Full-Time Relative

It’s weird being a full-time relative. I wake up at 5, practice pranayama and yoga postures, and the rest of the day is spent with family. It’s not even the same family members, either. This year, for some reason, a ton of relatives and friends have been flying into Hong Kong. I know that the $6,000 is one reason, but it’s probably not the main reason.

So I spend a lot of time with relatives, going out, having dim sum, chatting, getting to know each other.

I guess the weird part is that I spend so much time hanging out with relatives, I hardly have time for my own stuff. So I don’t do much outside of it, and then society’s standards of productivity creep up on me. I question where all my time is spent, what have I done today, etc.

I guess the main thing is that, right now, I feel my personal growth needs to happen both in my spiritual/yoga/meditative practice and in connecting with my family. When I moved to LA, I spent three years away from my family, running away. It was what I needed at the time: independence. I needed to know what kind of person I was, what kind of man I was. I needed to experience the world and know my place in it. I couldn’t do it constantly under my parents’ watch. I don’t know if they’ll ever understand this point.

But now I’ve traveled enough, met enough people, and I’m looking deeper within. I’m looking for deeper fulfillment that can be had from the hedonistic lifestyle I led the past few years. I’m seeking for fulfillment within. Contentment. And part of that is facing that fear I had when I first moved away: the fear of dealing with relatives. The fear of judgment, the fear of pressure to conform to familial standards.

I guess it’s that ironic twist: in trying to improve relations with my family, my family puts pressure on me to make money (the old-fashioned away, computers), get married, get fat (fat = good in Chinese culture; nevermind obesity issues). Sometimes some of that talk gets through to me. Every day I grow stronger, though. Every day I learn to withstand the pressure, to do what I feel is right, rather than what I was pressured into.

Right action. That’s what’s important. Of course, wisdom is important too. I can believe I’m doing the right thing and totally mess up if I am misinformed.

The good thing about me is that I’ve messed up so many times, I know all the wrong paths. And I’m not afraid of messing up. It’ll all be good in the end. Messing up is where I learn. Messing up is part of life. It’s how I know what will happen—what will really happen, rather than theorizing.

I’m grateful for:

1. Having the balls to plow through life, even if I don’t know what’ll happen.
2. Having the strength and wisdom to recover from anything.
3. Having the curiosity and humbleness to be open to new ideas and proven completely wrong.
4. Having relative financial freedom to explore.
5. All the gurus who came before me, who have helped me to this point in life.