Trust and Harmony

Today I went to yoga at 7:30, stayed until practiced until 10. I completed the entire primary series on my own for the first time! Mostly it was an issue of remembering the postures. I continued working on drop-backs. I’ve been having trouble opening up my chest, instead bending from the knees, lower back, and neck.

Afterward I went to Moises’ Chakra Balancing class, which seemed like a simplified and re-arranged Ashtanga primary series. It was nice and mellow, after my tough morning practice.

When I was in Seattle a group of my friends did heart-opening exercises. One of them was to stare into another person’s eyes and think, “Your heart is safe with me” and afterward, “My heart is safe with you”. Every time I thought, “My heart is safe with you”, I visualized a steel trap clamping shut around my heart. It was out of my control.

I realized then that I have trust issues. I’ve been working on opening up more and letting go of fear, being vulnerable, and opening myself to love and be hurt. I can’t help but wonder if my difficulties with drop-backs are related to my inability to open up my heart/chest and trust the teacher as she assists.

Oh, slight tangent: my mom seems to have given up on me ever returning to “normal”. For a long time she thought it was a loss, I had so much potential, but now she seems to accept that I have chosen this lifestyle and, gasp, nothing bad has happened! My dad still needs work, but he’s coming along as well.

Last night I updated my iPhone to iOS 5. As Wendy says, I’m not supposed to want anything, but I’m not perfect, and I acknowledge that. I wound up staying up until 3 am playing with it, which isn’t too big of a deal since I slept all day yesterday anyway.

iMessage didn’t work for me, so I set up an appointment at the Apple Store for 2:30 today. My mom had just finished making food for me at that time, so I rescheduled for 4:20. I finished eating at 3:20. I figured I should get out of the door at 3:50. That left half an hour for a nap. Big mistake.

I woke up at 8. Oh well, iMessage isn’t that big of a deal anyway. I called Mom. We picked up Grandma and ate noodles. It was nice to see her again. I haven’t seen her since I’ve been sleeping in instead of doing yoga and dim sum.

Tonight, and last night, my dad rubbed some medicine onto my mom’s toes. Her toes have been hurting. It was very sweet.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad do something like that for my mom. Maybe I just haven’t been paying attention. But I think with all our talks about family, maybe I have reminded my dad what’s really important in life, and with all the positivity I’ve been sharing with my mom, maybe I have created this family harmony.

My family’s pretty good.