Ray Day

Today was spent entirely for myself. I got out of bed at 11:30, meditated, drank a green smoothie, and slept again. I’ve been sleeping a lot, to give my body as much rest as it wants to get over this cough. Then I woke up, went to yoga, drank another green smoothie, and now it’s time to sleep again.

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to just be by myself. Usually I have relatives to see, and I have to push meditation and yoga around, stealing time from sleep in order to fit everything in. I don’t know how to keep up my physical and mental health practices and still get anything “productive” done. My mom has complained that ever since I came back from the meditation retreat, all I do is meditate, practice yoga, and sleep. I’ve been trying to eat less carbs and more raw food to reduce food coma, but it doesn’t seem to help much. Maybe it’s because I’m sick.

I don’t know how people with full-time jobs stay healthy or spiritual. It’s been said that busy people are great at time management. (I can’t find the real quote.) Perhaps my lack of responsibilities allows me to unconsciously waste time.

Yet I’ve already been cutting out frivolous activities as much as I could: video games, movies, TV. I have curbed my web surfing habit but I have not eliminated it yet. I really need someone to keep track of everything I do and figure out what I’m doing, so I don’t feel like time is just slipping away.

Today at yoga I talked to a girl who was impressed by my practice. She called me a guru. It’s nice to have someone remind me that my practice has continuously improved.

I practiced connecting deeply with her. I told her to tell me about herself, then asked why she lived. She gave vague answers, but it was nice to see her think. I hope she continues to do so.

I looked for Vipassana publications to submit writing to, to improve my writing and to help more people, but I couldn’t find any. I’ll have to broaden my search to spirituality, meditation, yoga, or general health publications.

I finished all the required reading for my yoga teacher training. Out of all the reading, I feel I learned the least from the anatomy and physiology book. There were too many vocabulary words. It felt like just a giant checklist in book form. I am worried about how prepared I am for the teacher training in this aspect.

My dad keeps telling me to not eat raw veggies because of my cough. Of course, he’s been saying this since before my cough. But now he says that I should definitely not eat raw, since I’m sick. I fail to see his logic.

All I see is a person who feels uncomfortable about my decision to not eat meat because it is contrary to his own life decision. In a black and white world, one of us would be right. So my dad must prove me wrong, or else he’d be wrong. I don’t actually believe he has tried to understand my reasoning.

But why do I care? Why is it important to me for him to accept my vegetarianism? Am I thinking in black-and-white terms as well? Am I seeking his approval to validate my own choices?

Or am I just intolerant of his unsolicited advice? Twice today I responded sarcastically to his fatherly advice.

Once again, this is all about me. My interpretation of events, my reaction, my emotional response. Without my dad being here, I wouldn’t see my own insecurities and outbursts. Having him here is a great opportunity to learn about myself and improve my equanimity.

Thanks Dad!