Dealing with Projection

I told Jessica that meditation is at the top of my priority list, and that meeting girls has been pushed off the list. This alarmed her, and she said that I should keep meeting girls on my priorities, that if I didn’t then I might grow old, alone, having no one to help me physically or emotionally when I am unable to help myself. I told her that I accepted that risk, that I am perfectly content to grow old, alone, completely helpless. In the meantime, having real peace of mind was more important to me.

She reasserted herself repeatedly, under the impression that she wasn’t communicating properly the real risks involved. Each time I took a hard look at her position, considered that perhaps she’s right, that I’d regret being single when it’s too late. But each time I came to the same conclusion, that I would be fine. Been there, done that.

It became apparent that she was worried about these risks, that it frightened her that I wasn’t scared, that I might be ignorant until it’s too late.

I didn’t mind her having a different opinion from me, but she insisted on changing mine. I repeatedly told her that I understood her position, but I disagreed. Eventually we didn’t have much to say to each other, I believe because her mind was still brewing over why I didn’t see the looming danger she saw.

I think there should be a better way of handling this situation. Sure, we didn’t argue, and there were no bad feelings between us. But short of convincing her of my position, which was impossible because “why oh why would anyone want to die alone?” completely clouded her judgment.

I’ve had to deal with projection all my life. In the past, I took people’s projections onto me personally, thinking there was something wrong with my life, etc. Then I started defending my own position, feeling good when I won, feeling down when I lost. Recently I’ve come to see others’ attempts to convince me as projections of their own issues. It’s most obvious when the other person insists on changing my opinion, while I am remaining calm.

In my experience, someone who is emotionally charged is unsure. Without real confidence backing their assertion, they use emotional fury to convince the rest of the world, to prove to themselves that they are right. While it doesn’t prove that they are wrong, it is an indication that they are hiding insecurity.

This is why I find it so important to maintain my own cool. It allows me to make rational decisions and to see through others’ irrational assertions.

Now to learn how to end these discussions in harmony.