Conversations with Jessica

Today I spent most of the day with Jessica. As usual, it was a great experience listening to her, sharing my own experiences, etc. I see in Jessica what I see in myself: I want to be immune to social pressure. I want it so badly that I believe it. Yet I see evidence that I still care what people think. I still feel responsible for others’ feelings. I hope one day she sees this too, and resolves it however it gets resolved.

Today Steve Jobs died. I woke up, browsed my mail, and checked Daring Fireball with a shock. I was saddened. My next thought was a memory of last night’s dinner, when Jessica asked me how I felt, surrounded by so many elders, laughing, talking, joking. I told her I felt that this is a perfect moment to enjoy. So it is with Steve Jobs. He has passed, his legacy remains and will continue to grow without him. Let us enjoy everything we have in the present moment, lest it pass unnoticed.

It’s funny, last night as my mom was playing mahjong I was talking to Jessica. I told Jessica how I’ve started playing mahjong without sorting my tiles so precisely, to get used to viewing them in a more haphazard manner. Today my mom told me it wasn’t a good idea, and that that’s probably why I lost money last night. I didn’t realize my mom had been eavesdropping. I appreciate that my mom cares.

I’ve been asking people, “Why do you live?” Jessica was one of them. She told me the story of how she received it, scratched her head, didn’t know if I was joking or not, nor the severity of the question. She then forwarded it to a bunch of her friends, who pondered the same thing.

I’m glad this experiment worked better than expected. Who knows, maybe those few people forwarded it to another ten people each, who kept forwarding it. A virus is born!

For those whom I haven’t told, “Why do you live?” was asked not for my sake, but for the sake of the recipient. The answer I receive isn’t so important as the process the recipient goes through trying to come up with an answer. It’s the process, not the result. I want to snap people out of their daily routines and reflect whether their life is going the way they want it, or if they are just in a mindless march toward death.

We are, after all, dying one minute at a time.

I told Jessica about my master plan, to write an all-out uncensored autobiography, with which others can view my progress and hopefully be inspired to do the same. Or maybe talk to me and get the inspiration that way.

She asked whom I was working on. I answered, “You.” Duh. And, of course, W, mom, dad, my brother. Basically everyone I come into contact with. I am here to practice an enlightened life and spread it like the plague.

So, why do you live?