June 11

Refunded my rechargeable batteries at Walmart. Everyone at the neighborhood was black for some reason. Weird.

Went to The Grove with Nomad. Opened a girl looking at a laptop at the Apple store. Horse girl. She said she’s not from here, she’s from Canada. I said I just came from Canada, then asked where else she’s traveled. She mentioned Australia and Thailand. I joked about kangaroos with boxing gloves, then we talked about Thailand and hookers who shot ping pong balls. I felt she got uncomfortable so I asked her what she was up to. She was looking for a laptop, and asked what I was doing here. I told her my housemate needed a power supply. Her eyes darted to the sales guy behind me. He came up and asked if we needed help. She brought him in and asked about the laptop. I got blown out by the sales guy. I think I either brought up sex too quickly or she really wanted to get the laptop. Either way, I didn’t get blown out because I was too boring.

There was a Dove tent with a bunch of hotties. I went in and asked what this was all about. I teased the girls a little, talking for about ten minutes. Nomad was talking to another sales girl in the tent. I didn’t use any material and felt the conversation get boring so I left before they burnt me at the stake. Nomad stayed and got three numbers.

We went to the Trader Joe’s. Nomad had his hands full and looked helpless as he wanted to approach a cute blonde behind him. I helped him by approaching her. Horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She’s from upstate New York, I teased her that upstate New York doesn’t really count as New York. We both went to Syracuse. I tried to get her number but she said she was a lesbian and her girlfriend wouldn’t like that. I told her I was straight and that we’d never get along. I settled for her e-mail, which is retarded but I didn’t have the courage to push things further.

A girl Nomad picked up a few months ago invited him to a mixer. So we went. I saw an Indian lady, said hi, introduced myself, ran smart tests. She repeated my question three or four times. Apparently she has no sense of humor or hates math.

I saw two older ladies sitting near a band set. I asked if they were the band’s groupies, then chatted with them a bit. I scammed some free food out of the band.

I felt nervous talking to the groups of people so after circling around a bit I talked to a girl who worked there who just stood in front of a computer. I asked if she was the coat check, she looked really bored. I introduced myself as Brad Pitt, and said I wanted to open a club called Baby Seals. We joked about hurting animals for about fifteen minutes. I didn’t get her number because during our conversation her coworkers came in and whisked her away. After that she seemed very distant and I didn’t want to appear try-hard. At the end of the night I couldn’t find her anymore.

I chatted with one of the event’s members and tried to get a read on her. I told her she seemed like a Valley girl but she was cheering for philanthropy. She was distracted because she owed the photographer a drink. Then the busy bee buzzed elsewhere.

I got another name tag and wrote myself down as Brad Pitt.

I’m talking to a group when a girl in the group spots my name tag and says she loves my movies. I reluctantly say, “Oh alright, where’s the bathroom?”, take her hand, and start walking her away from the group. Midway through I sense her pulling her hand away so I immediately turn to her, laugh, hug, and rejoin the group.

Nomad and I go home and nap.

I wake up. Poker Face says he wants to go to Happy Ending. I meet him almost an hour later. I’m anxious to get away from him because I’ve identified chatting with wings as a factor in increasing approach anxiety. I finally spot two easy to approach girls and go in. Horse girl. They say it’s not her. I apologize for intruding though I know better. Still, I felt better after that.

I see a black girl sitting next to a very big guy. I’m not sure they are together but whatever, I need to warm up more. Horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. The big guy leaves so I take his seat instead of standing next to her. She says she has a boyfriend. 8 girlfriends. She agrees to be my girlfriend #6. We chat a lot. I’m wary of escalating too much with the big guy right behind me, who turns out to be her uncle. I have my arm around her waist and my hand on her thigh most of the conversation. I get her number, verify, and have her save my last name as Hot/Sexy. She leaves with her uncle.

I see a tall Asian girl. Horse girl. She forgives me but her friends are leaving.

Poker Face sees two black girls on the street and opens them. I wing him. We bring them back to the house. I don’t use much material on my girl to avoid getting caught and blowing up Poker Face’s set. I have my arm around my girl most of the way back. We arrive at House 2. I ring the bell, Driver opens the door. I ask him, “Where’s the party at?” and of course he answers, “Right here!” We give drinks to the girls and turn on the music. We wrestle, pillow fight, tickle the girls, but I didn’t have a plan on how to isolate the girls so they just stayed together in the living room. I check to make sure my girl’s breasts are real. She even pops one out for me to examine. Yes they are. She is eating a banana so I ask how far she can take it. She takes about half of it, then it falls out. I mock her for it. She asks me if I want a blowjob. The question came so suddenly I couldn’t respond, so I didn’t say anything and glazed it over. At around 3 a.m. the girls realize they need to get their car. They start eating everything in sight. I put my body against the fridge to prevent them from eating any more of the food. This is not a homeless shelter. The girls leave but demand that we take their numbers.

Driver, Poker Face, and I discuss isolation tactics. Driver gives me permission to fuck girls on his bed if need be. Another isolation spot would have been the hot tub area. Oh well.