Day 58/360: Alone at Last

I am surrounded by jailbait in San Francisco International Airport. High school girls are giving me the eye as I lug my bags, hunting for legal game.

14. C<5: This blonde looks legal. Do you like horses? No, it's not her — she would have fucked me up if I picked on her. A tough one huh? Yup, she was the bully. I feel weird about pushing things in the airport. Sorry for the misunderstanding, bye! Weak.

I am home!

I’m in Nomad’s car. “That girl looks cute. The one with the dogs,” he says. I agree. We’re now stopped a block in front of her. Nomad’s a bastard, always making me talk to girls. I get out.

15. C>5 P: I don’t see her anymore. I run down to the corner and spot her dogs. I hurry up to her. She notices me so I ask, “Do you like horses?” I finish the story and hug her. We’re both from New York. Cat routine. She thinks it’s hilarious. She asks if I am gay. I ask if she thought I was. She backpedals, worried she offended me. I assure her I am straight, then ask if she’s a lesbian, repeating all the politically correct backpedaling she said. I tell her to be my tour guide, since we are both New Yorkers. I walk her to her door and she volunteers her number. I arrive home in record time. She lives three blocks away.

Itching for more action, Nomad and I go to the rocker club.

16. B: The first few approaches go shitty, so I warm up approaching ugly girls or girls who will reject me. I see a girl following a string of people out the door. Horse girl. She didn’t hear the question. Fine, blow me or blow me out. Sex last week. No, it wasn’t her. I keep up the joke but it’s time to change topic. Smart tests. What’s four times four? 16. What’s the capital of Washington state? Seattle. Okay, that’s kind of hard. What’s the capital of the US? Washington D.C. Her interest was long gone, so she left looking for it. Things I could have improved on: touch her and tease her for failing smart tests. Instead I turned smart tests into an interview.

17. C>5 P: Two girls are with a guy but one girl is alone. Time to give her some company. Do you like horses? Are you smart? I only like smart, hot, and rich girls. She can’t name her best quality. Think about it. She needs to meet her friend. Give me your number before I don’t want it anymore. Okay. She asks, “Do you know what a pickup artist is?” I ask, “Like the show?” She hears, “Like Joe?” Apparently she knows Joe D. I ask, “Is he swimming in pussy?” “No.”

I tell her to teach me pickup lines. She says opening off-topic was good. The number routine was good. I say some cocky funny lines and each time she compliments me. I say, “Just because you’re complimenting me doesn’t mean you’re getting into my pants.” She thought that was great. I put my arm around her and appointed her my girl to pick up other girls. She filled with pride.

I backtrack: “It’s been five minutes. Have you thought of your best quality yet?” “I’m very generic.” “That’s not a good quality at all!” She says she really has to find her friend and leaves. I should have used her attraction more, kissing her, pulling her hair, spanking her. Next time!

I walk past a regular at the club, then double back. She’s with a guy. I cut right in, “Are you Rihanna?” “Yeah, you’re Joker, right?” We hug and reconnect. I introduce myself to the guy. He compliments my necklace. I thank him. He asks me where I got it from. New York. He tries to cut me out by talking to the girl, but I knew this girl before, so I cut right back in and ask about her roommate. We reconnect some more. I would game this girl but someone I know has dibs. “I’ll leave you lovebirds alone. Bye!” They give me an awkward look.

18. B: I’m in the loud band area. The band is still playing but I decide to open the brunette anyway. Horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. Gradually she inches away from me. I’m taking this as a slow blowout.

I didn’t have much anxiety tonight. I need to be more aggressive but I felt peaceful. The Asian Chick was my kryptonite!

B: 2
C<5: 1
C>5: 2
P: 2