NMMNG Breaking Free Activity 8
Go back to the list of approval-seeking behaviors at the beginning of this chapter. Choose one of the ways you try to get external validation and do one of the following:
- Go on a moratorium from this behavior. Set a period of time to stop doing it. Tell the people around you what you are doing. If you slip, tell a safe person about it. Use the slip as information about why, in that particular moment, you felt the need to get external approval.
- Consciously do more of this behavior. This may not make logical sense, but it is a powerful way to explore any dysfunctional behavior. Observe how you feel when you consciously try harder to get external validation.
I had a difficult time coming up with the approval seeking behavior to nullify. Most were far fetched from the definition of an approval seeking behavior. The leading candidate was the way I presented myself to the world, but even this was atypical: most people dress to blend in, while I dress to stand out.
Determined to find an approval seeking behavior, I consulted Dylan and Nomad. I argued that my look was seeking the approval of girls because I wanted them to think I was hot. I think I look good the way I dress, but let’s face it: 99% of the time girls are looking at the way I dress, not me. I considered dressing exactly as a Nice Guy would dress, blending into the scenery.
Then I had a maca-powered smoothie by Nomad. Eureka! I’ve been politically correct my whole life. I’ve always looked down upon sexist, racist, macho behavior. In avoiding this behavior, I also suppressed my own masculinity: I respected women, I avoided stereotypes, I became asexual.
To reverse this, I am going to be an asshole. I’m going to do everything I associate with testosterone-filled meat heads: referring to women as cum sluts, making racist jokes, letting my anger, frustration, and sexual drive loose. I won’t hold any thoughts back, I will treat my friends with disrespect. I won’t care about others’ feelings.
Let’s see how this goes!