Honesty vs. Communication vs. Spin

My friend Martyr is very honest. He tries to very direct and straightforward with everything he says. Unfortunately his message does not always go across as intended. See, his words are blunt and but his communication is unclear. It is like telling an English-only speaking person “flower bridge” in Cantonese.

I suggest rewording to bring the meaning across, but Martyr seems to think that the slightest spin on words means that there is deception, that the most primitive way of wording his thoughts is the best.

What’s the difference between “It’s my life and there’s nothing you can do about it,” or “I understand that you want to help me make my life decisions, and I will take that into consideration. However, the choice is still mine to make, and I have to live my life as I want, just as you have lived your life as you desired”? All the sub-communications that go on. The former sub-communicates, “I don’t give a shit what you think, you mean nothing to me.” The latter sub-communicates, “I am a responsible person who has taken all views into consideration.”

In a sense, being brutally honest is not honest at all, because the idea is never communicated. The interpretation is all fucked up on the receiving end, and the sender refuses to fix it.

Okay, that was pretty brutally honest. Here’s my spin: Dude, you know I’ve got your back, but you’ve really got to put some thought into the way you are “completely honest”.

Notice the quotes.