Day 49/360: Hell Girl Stayed Over (But Not in a Good Way)

I woke up with Hell Girl in my bed, fully dressed. Since it was Thursday, there was a farmer’s market open late. I told her to get ready. I ran into her in my bathroom a few times and escalated, but she reiterated that she wanted to take things slow and told me to wait. I said, “You’re right. We should wait until retirement. I’ll see you when I’m 55.”

We got ready but it was too late to go. Instead we walked around the neighborhood. We went to the bank. She didn’t pay me back for dinner. I didn’t ask because I’m a nice guy.

We went to a porn shop. She looked at the shirts and accessories. I brought her to the porn and dildo section. She fell silent. I asked if her mom would like a dildo souvenir. A girl next to me cracked up. Hell Girl was uncomfortable and redirected me back to the “safe” section. Now I know she’s uncomfortable with sex and just likes to play dress-up.

We went to a milkshake shop, got coffee at a cafe, and went food shopping. We came back to the house. I ate sashimi for dinner, but she didn’t have any because she sucks. Good, more for me. (Don’t worry, I am only resentful in retrospect.) I talked to Drew, who noted that I was falling quickly into the provider role by hanging out and doing nothing. I realized I hadn’t moved the relationship any more physically forward in the extra day, so I told her I’m kicking her out.

I drove her back home. During the ride she was very quiet. I had to ask questions about her dreams, friends, and life to kill the silence. (I don’t think it was because of anything bad, I think she just ran out of things to say.)

We arrived. I escalated once again. She said she worried about her parents seeing, which is bullshit because my headlights were off and she’s 34. She said she had to save some for next time. I was thinking there won’t be a next time because of her miserly ways. Still, I played hard to get. I always ended the kiss, telling her no more. She pouted, so I told her I’ll see her again next time, if she’s good.

I won’t be putting any more effort into Hell Girl. Last time I thought it was the logistics that screwed me over, but this time the logistics were perfect. I was more aggressive than I’ve ever been, throwing her into the hot tub, kissing her, trying to finger her. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her neck or bite her ear. I’m assuming she has intimacy issues at this point. Unless she’s ready to get physical with me, I won’t see her.