Nomad and I wanted to do day game but I had to pick up an Asian chick at the airport. So we did airport game.
171. C<5: I saw a cute girl across the street. I crossed the street but she was asking directions from two guys. I passed her, then doubled back to talk to her. By then she had finished getting directions and ran off. Frustrated, I walked back across the street. There was a black girl standing there, so I horse girled her. It wasn't her. She wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling it. I left.
172. C>5 P: I saw a girl sitting by herself with a lot of baggage. I sat next to her, horse girl, cat, tour guide, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She mentioned that she was athletic, so I cold read that she was athletic and asked if she snowboarded. She did. We discussed snowboarding and travels. I got her number, then stayed longer to solidify it. I got nervous because of small signs of boredom, so I preemptively ejected, saying I have to look for my friend. Of course, it was not the right thing to do.
After talking to Nomad for a bit, I went back and asked about restaurants around the area. I chatted some more, then left again.
Walking with Nomad in circle, I saw her yet again and smiled and waved. She reciprocated.
173. C<5: I saw an older gentleman with a hot young girl. I circled around, then saw that the guy had separated from the girl to grab their luggage. Left for dead, I swooped in with horse girl. She was very terse and refused to be the horse girl. I left.
174. C<5: I saw two tall hot blondes with their dad. I told Nomad I was afraid to approach. He told me to do horse girl in a specific way. In I went. Horse girl. The dad gave me the drill sergeant stare of death. I couldn't look him in the eye more than twice during the interaction, I was afraid he would pluck it out. No, it wasn't her. I escaped with my body intact.
I showed the Asian chick around the house. She was tired from the flight, so she passed out on my bed. Meanwhile Mr. S schooled me on how to make guacamole. It was delicious.
The next few days I’ll be hanging out with the Asian chick, so I don’t expect to game much. Hopefully I’ll find something to do while she isn’t looking.
Without a deep understanding of pickup theory, newbies write glowing but uninformed reviews, while gurus write biased reviews to promote their own products and services.
How can we get objective and informed pickup reviews?
Drew, Turbo, Nomad, and I went to Little Tokyo for ramen. It was alright. =)
164. C<5: We saw a guy with a baby and carriage get whipped by the baby mama. The baby mama had a cute friend. I horse girled the cute friend. They loved it, but I didn't follow up. Of course the baby daddy didn't do anything, though Nomad reports that he gave me the death stare the whole time.
We threw our BBQ. Lots of sausage!
We went to the mall.
165. B: In the parking lot, I saw a girl get into her car. She hadn’t closed the door yet when I horse girled her. Once I was done, she faked that she had a phone call and I left.
166. C>5: Still in the parking lot, Nomad and I both saw two girls walking toward us. We both tried to open them, but Nomad got his opener out first. I stayed and winged him. I chatted with the friend, throwing identity stories and relating to her about coming from NY. I invited her to the BBQ but she told me she was old. I said it’s just a social thing, then she said she wouldn’t come, so there is no point in giving me her number if she’s not going to come. Nomad later tried to go for the BBQ invite as well, but we were denied.
I sought validation at the usual spot. Nomad gamed a sales girl, so I found a sales girl to game.
167. C>5: I picked up a bright blue polo and asked the sales girl if it fit me. She said it was too big and didn’t really fit my style. I asked for suggestions. She gave some, but didn’t put any effort into helping me out. We bantered a little, but a customer came by and pulled her away.
I found Nomad gaming another sales chick, so I went to game another sales chick as well.
168. C>5: I found the sales girl I flirted with a few days ago. I teased her for wearing all black and with metal all over by calling her a death chick. I also teased her for the way she pronounced “pink” as “peenk”. We discussed hair dye for a while. Her coworker came by and tried to interrupt my chat. I said, “The next time I come,” and her coworker asked if I’ll bring a gift. I said no, but she stole my frame and asked death chick what she liked. I said I’ll bring a pint of blood for death chick. The store was closing. I got her name, but I didn’t get her number because she would be there the next time I go to the mall and because I didn’t want to create an awkward moment in front of her coworkers. I didn’t run any routines, just casual conversation.
We went to another store. Nomad was flirting with some girl in there, so I followed him in.
169. C>5 P: The only girl cute enough to talk to was a sales girl. For once, I didn’t let that stop me. Horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, tour guide. She said she didn’t go out much, and that she had to go out with her husband and her child. Still, I invited her to the BBQ and got her number.
170. C<5: We went for milkshakes. There were two girls and a guy at the shop. The cute girl looked questionably legal so we didn't do anything. As they were leaving, I opened the uncute girl, saying she looked familiar and asked which high school she went to. She laughed and said she didn't go to high school, she was in college. I let her go. I wanted to talk to the cute girl instead, but at least I have an educated guess of her age. Which, of course, means I should have talked to the cute girl instead.
I like day game more than night game. I’m also getting more comfortable with flirting with sales girls.
We went to the supermarket to get food for the BBQ tomorrow.
149. C>5: Saw a girl looking at flowers outside. Horse girl, cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She said, “So this whole horse story was just a pickup line?” I said, “Yeah, it’s the best pickup line in the world, it got me laid 300 times last week!” She said she had a boyfriend, so I continued with 8 girlfriends. She wasn’t having it and left.
150. B: Saw a girl in a tiny skirt at the wine section. Went to her, horse girl. Completely nonreactive. I was unprepared to talk to a statue, so I ejected. Of course that was not what I should have done.
We went to a college frat bar. Nomad and Mr. S talked to the girls next to our table for about an hour. What was I doing? Moping around, of course.
After an hour of anxiety I left the venue and walked around the streets. There was nothing there. I texted the guys to let them know I wasn’t kidnapped.
151. C<5: I asked two girls on the street where I could find cotton candy. They didn't know.
152. C<5: I asked a guy and a girl on the street where I could find cotton candy. They suggested around the corner.
Mr. S and Nomad texted me to come back. Since there was nothing else around the area, I returned.
153. B: A girl tried to walk past me to the bar. Sex last week. She said it was an awful pickup line and walked right by.
154. C>5: Two girls were standing by the bar. Horse girl, cat, smart tests. She said she wasn’t smart, so I said I love dumb girls because they have low self esteem. Dumb/hot/rich. Nomad came in to wing me. The girl said we were crowding them, so I absurdified, “Yeah, there’s a huge overpopulation problem.” She then said there was plenty of space behind us, so I said, “I like this tile. It’s my favorite tile in the whole bar.” She walked out, but her friend was still talking to Nomad, so I started talking to her friend as well, ignoring her. After a while she pulled her friend to the bathroom, and I told her to pee extra for me.
155. B: A girl Nomad previously talked to went to the bar. He said they didn’t like him when he did the quality control opener, but I wasn’t sure if the associated me with him. I decided that this was all creative avoidance, so I went in. Horse girl, cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She gave me courtesy responses, but was very busy paying for her drinks and getting the fuck away from me. Oh well!
156. C<5: After that blowout I immediately found another girl to talk to. I don't remember anything about it, except I did this all while the previous girl stared at me making this girl crack up the whole time. I don't even remember how it ended. Oh well.
I was pissed off at myself. There were a instructors from other companies at the bar tonight and I felt like a failure for being afraid. As a Brad P. student, I should be fearless. What the fuck?
157. C<5: I saw two girls sitting on a small ledge. I was afraid of going in because they were talking to two guys. I was afraid of tripping while going up to them because I often trip when climbing oddly shaped steps. I decided that my fear was well founded, but that shouldn't prevent me from approaching. I went in, stood on one leg while the other was on the couch. Awkward positioning but it got me close enough to the girl. Sex last week. All her friends stared at me the whole time. She said it wasn't her, that her boyfriend was right there, just as he arrived. I turned to him, introduced myself, apologized and said I thought I had sex with his girlfriend last week. He said it's okay, and I left.
158. C>5: I saw Nomad with a big group of guys and girls. I winged him a little, befriended most of the friends. We chatted nonsense for a few minutes and moved to a table with them. Nomad didn’t sit down, so I assumed he wanted to leave. I excused myself and confirmed it, then left with him.
159. C<5: Mr. S said he was blown out a few times with horse girl and was losing faith in it, so I went up to a blonde and horse girled her. Cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. In the middle, a tiny girl came up to me and gave me a shot of something. I ignored the blonde and gave all my attention to the tiny girl.
160. C<5: The tiny girl was a hostess at the bar. We chatted for a few minutes, ignoring the blonde. I should have merged the two, but I was unprepared for another girl interrupting my conversation. Her coworker grabbed her and she left after a few minutes. I didn't resume my conversation with the blonde.
161. C>5: Nomad was talking to three girls, so I winged him. I wasn’t sure which was his target, so I chatted up the fat one. I didn’t want to repeat routines so I practiced identity hooks. They worked well. I also did palm reading, which also went well. She asked me if I charged money for the palm reading, which I absurdified with, “Girl, you can’t afford me.” Eventually Nomad left the group so I left her, saying I had something important to tell him. I pulled him to a corner out of their sight, then told him, “I don’t want to talk to the fat chick anymore.” He said, “That’s it?” I said, “Yeah.” Then he went on to approach more girls.
162. C<5: I winged Nomad for another fat chick. Conversation was dry, but I threw a bunch of compliments. Nomad challenged the girl to an arm wrestling match. The friend tried to help the girl out, but I helped Nomad out and we won. The mood instantly turned to shit. "You were supposed to let the girl win!", the fat one whined. They left soon after.
163. C>5 E: I was tired of the loud music preventing me from talking. I was also aware that I was still uncomfortable dominating girls on the dance floor. So I went to the dance floor. I found two circles of girls. While deciding which one to pounce into, one girl was cut off from her group by a train of people. I told her, “You’re never getting back to your friends. You’re mine now.” She agreed, and started dancing with me. I spanked her, spun her, dipped her, and went for a kiss a few times. I told her to undo her pony tail, then grabbed a fistful of hair and went for the kiss, but she still avoided it. After three songs I told her I’m hot and suggested a walk. We chatted in quieter areas, where I ran smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She agreed to be my girlfriend #9. I invited her to the BBQ but only got her e-mail because her phone was lost. I was proud of doing dance floor game.
Tonight I started off with shitty state but things picked up. It sucks that this still affects me, but at least it didn’t ruin my whole night. I tried dance floor game, though I didn’t execute Brad’s technique. I also dealt with a few shit tests pretty well; usually I wind up agreeing instead of absurdifying. Tomorrow’s the BBQ, looking forward to that!
We went vintage clothing shopping at a local fashion district. We drove around and the promoter pointed out stores that were good for vintage clothes. As we spotted girls on the street we took turns jumping out of the car and approaching them.
I jumped out of the car, ran to a girl but she turned into a store. Anxiety prevented me from following her in.
131. C<5 P: I saw two hot girls across the street. I ran across the street, horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. The promoter winged me a bit. They said they needed to go make dinner. I got the girl's number with BBQ.
Maca-powered, I opened everything on the street.
132. C<5: Mother and two daughters were waiting for the light. Horse girl. They laughed, she said it's not her, and they crossed the street.
133. C>5: Two girls and a guy were walking. I stopped them, horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She refused to be any of my girlfriends, then asked if she can go. I told her she could go anytime she wanted! Nomad was winging me and entertained the friends quite well. Finally one of the friends said she was late for an appointment and they left.
134. C>5 PPP: Dylan opened three black chicks. I winged him by opening one of the friends with horse girl, knowing Dylan didn’t use it. I threw a bunch of smart tests, which she loved. We chatted a bit, then I got all their numbers for the BBQ.
135. C<5: A cute girl in a store was shopping by herself. Horse girl, it wasn't her. I let her walk away.
136. C>5 P: Nomad was talking to five girls, then pulls me into the conversation, pointing to one of the girls with blue hair. I chatted with them for a few minutes, then invited them to the BBQ. I yes laddered my way to the blue haired girl’s number. When I went for her number, saying I like to text, she said her parents cut off her text plan. I told her to give me her number anyway.
137. C<5: I saw a cute girl enter a women's clothing store. I followed her in, but she was talking to a sales girl. I had anxiety and didn't approach. The sales girl asked if she could help me with anything. I said, "There's nothing in here for me, is there?" We bantered while my target left. I tried to end the conversation politely and leave, but couldn't do so quickly enough. By the time I left the store the girl was gone.
The promoters drove us home. Dylan, Nomad, and I were pumped for more day game, so we drove to the mall.
138. B: We walked past a family of four girls and two parents. Anxiety returned. I challenged Nomad and Dylan to open them. They decided only I was worthy of the challenge, so I went. My angle was shit. I opened the girl from behind. She quickly backturned me. I deserved it. However, I pat myself on the back for the attempt.
We went to a store to get validation.
139. C<5: A sales girl saw Nomad and I and said we looked colorful. She was dressed in all black so I said she looked monochrome. She didn't get it. I asked if she was one of those "death girls" (courtesy of Dylan), she didn't get it. Nomad and I chatted with her a little. She left to help a customer and said she'd be right back. I left to talk to another girl.
140. C>5: Two girls were looking at shoes. Horse girl, cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. Nomad came in and winged me. I tried to go for the BBQ number close but one suddenly had to work every Sunday and the other suddenly didn’t eat BBQ. Whatever.
We were hungry, so we went to the supermarket for food.
141. C>5 P: A girl in scrubs was looking at the raw section. I told her to suggest what was good. We discussed raw food. I said she’s either a doctor or in love with baby blue. She said she’s a nurse at a hospital. I told a story of how my friends and I were sent back and forth between two wings of a hospital, and accused her of doing that. She said it wasn’t her, today’s her first day at work. Nomad came by and asked if I saw kino. I said no, then proceeded to touch her a little more. She had to go, so I invited her to the BBQ.
142. C>5 E: A cute girl at the deli section was waiting for service. Horse girl, cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She was trying to leave, so I invited her to the BBQ. She said she didn’t give her number out, so I got her Facebook instead.
143. B: A hot girl was waiting in line in front of me. Sex last week, she cracked up. I milked it too long, though: when I tried to go for her name she said, “I’m not giving it to you now!” She paid for her food and left. Oh well!
We sat down to eat while waiting for Drew, Turbo, and Swagga. I did Jake’s finger wiggling hello to the deli girl above as she left the supermarket. Flirting is fun!
Drew, Turbo, and Swagga arrived. Turbo and Swagga got to work, raiding the supermarket.
144. C<5 E: A hot Australian girl was smoking outside the supermarket. I went out. Horse girl, it wasn't her. She had to go into the supermarket, so did I. BBQ close, she didn't have a phone, only Facebook.
We went back to the mall and into the bookstore.
145. C>5 P: I walked a circle around the second floor, then spotted two girls. Horse girl. Something was off: she was not shocked at all. Still, I continued. I got the hug but her friend asked if we were using this pickup line on everybody. I said yes, we’re asking everyone in the whole building. Smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. Nomad came in. She agreed to be my girlfriend #3. I got her fake number. I called it immediately but coincidentally she did not have her phone. Liar. Cat, palm reading, blender. I was running out of material and my blender routine didn’t fly well, as usual. I resisted seeking rapport by forcing my questions as cold reads. The girls got bored and left.
146. B: Two girls and one guy were walking down the street. Do you like horses? No, walked right by.
147. B: Determined to stop a walking set, I Rodmaned a girl walking by herself. Horse girl, smart tests. She really had to go. Oh well, at least I stopped her!
148. C>5: Nomad and I saw the same two girls and both walked right up to them. He opened his mouth first, so I winged him. Bastard. We discussed Disney music for a few minutes. Nomad tried to eject but I continued talking, so he stayed. Eventually the girls excused themselves and we left. Never eject!
Today was a lot of fun. My newfound attitude, a combination of “I’m here to learn”, “I’m an asshole”, and maca superpowers have virtually eliminated approach anxiety. I’m not ejecting, I’m pushing things forward, and I’m freestyling more. I still need to be more physical with girls, though.
Go back to the list of approval-seeking behaviors at the beginning of this chapter. Choose one of the ways you try to get external validation and do one of the following:
Go on a moratorium from this behavior. Set a period of time to stop doing it. Tell the people around you what you are doing. If you slip, tell a safe person about it. Use the slip as information about why, in that particular moment, you felt the need to get external approval.
Consciously do more of this behavior. This may not make logical sense, but it is a powerful way to explore any dysfunctional behavior. Observe how you feel when you consciously try harder to get external validation.
I had a difficult time coming up with the approval seeking behavior to nullify. Most were far fetched from the definition of an approval seeking behavior. The leading candidate was the way I presented myself to the world, but even this was atypical: most people dress to blend in, while I dress to stand out.
Determined to find an approval seeking behavior, I consulted Dylan and Nomad. I argued that my look was seeking the approval of girls because I wanted them to think I was hot. I think I look good the way I dress, but let’s face it: 99% of the time girls are looking at the way I dress, not me. I considered dressing exactly as a Nice Guy would dress, blending into the scenery.
Then I had a maca-powered smoothie by Nomad. Eureka! I’ve been politically correct my whole life. I’ve always looked down upon sexist, racist, macho behavior. In avoiding this behavior, I also suppressed my own masculinity: I respected women, I avoided stereotypes, I became asexual.
To reverse this, I am going to be an asshole. I’m going to do everything I associate with testosterone-filled meat heads: referring to women as cum sluts, making racist jokes, letting my anger, frustration, and sexual drive loose. I won’t hold any thoughts back, I will treat my friends with disrespect. I won’t care about others’ feelings.
I woke up with Hell Girl in my bed, fully dressed. Since it was Thursday, there was a farmer’s market open late. I told her to get ready. I ran into her in my bathroom a few times and escalated, but she reiterated that she wanted to take things slow and told me to wait. I said, “You’re right. We should wait until retirement. I’ll see you when I’m 55.”
We got ready but it was too late to go. Instead we walked around the neighborhood. We went to the bank. She didn’t pay me back for dinner. I didn’t ask because I’m a nice guy.
We went to a porn shop. She looked at the shirts and accessories. I brought her to the porn and dildo section. She fell silent. I asked if her mom would like a dildo souvenir. A girl next to me cracked up. Hell Girl was uncomfortable and redirected me back to the “safe” section. Now I know she’s uncomfortable with sex and just likes to play dress-up.
We went to a milkshake shop, got coffee at a cafe, and went food shopping. We came back to the house. I ate sashimi for dinner, but she didn’t have any because she sucks. Good, more for me. (Don’t worry, I am only resentful in retrospect.) I talked to Drew, who noted that I was falling quickly into the provider role by hanging out and doing nothing. I realized I hadn’t moved the relationship any more physically forward in the extra day, so I told her I’m kicking her out.
I drove her back home. During the ride she was very quiet. I had to ask questions about her dreams, friends, and life to kill the silence. (I don’t think it was because of anything bad, I think she just ran out of things to say.)
We arrived. I escalated once again. She said she worried about her parents seeing, which is bullshit because my headlights were off and she’s 34. She said she had to save some for next time. I was thinking there won’t be a next time because of her miserly ways. Still, I played hard to get. I always ended the kiss, telling her no more. She pouted, so I told her I’ll see her again next time, if she’s good.
I won’t be putting any more effort into Hell Girl. Last time I thought it was the logistics that screwed me over, but this time the logistics were perfect. I was more aggressive than I’ve ever been, throwing her into the hot tub, kissing her, trying to finger her. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her neck or bite her ear. I’m assuming she has intimacy issues at this point. Unless she’s ready to get physical with me, I won’t see her.
I went to pick up Hell Girl from her place. We went on an adventure date, she had a lot of fun.
I took her to a raw food restaurant. She didn’t like the food because she’s unadventurous and lame. She also didn’t bring cash, so I had to pay for her meal. We went to a comic book store, then a vintage clothing store, then the library.
In the middle of the date her friends called and said they might be driving in. Hell Girl wasn’t sure where we were going, so she put me on. I took the phone, vaguely told her friend the plan to prevent her friend from meeting up with us, then handed the phone back.
Instead of going to the club I got her in the hot tub. She refused to strip so I pulled her into the hot tub, knowing she had a change of clothes. I turned off her phone while she wasn’t looking. I escalated, kissed, kissed her neck and bit her ear. She kept pulling away. I moved my hands toward her boobs and pussy but she pulled away and pulled my hands away repeatedly.
She said she didn’t know me, so I stopped leaned back, stopped escalating, and shared my identity. (She was talkative so I had to frame control to get my words in. She pulled toward me. So I kept sharing my identity without escalating. We stayed there for over four hours.
I realized she was trying to put me in the provider role, having me pay for food, giving her rides, and withholding sex.
We went to my room to watch a movie. I tried to escalate but she was sleepy and reiterated that she wanted to take it slow. She fell asleep.
Even though I only drank three glasses of champagne with vodka (and much of it was spilled while she wasn’t looking) I had a hangover because I drank on an empty stomach. My tolerance is teh suck.
Went out with Drew for sashimi-grade fish, to eat sashimi cheaper at home. Couldn’t find a samurai sword to cut it with, though. I guess I’ll have to use a butter knife.
Today is Mr. S’s birthday. We got access to a nice club but it was pretty empty, except for the band area. We decided to walk around instead.
129. C>5: We spotted two girls entering a bar, so we followed them in. Once inside, they were the only two girls in the bar. I went up to one of the girls, asked if she was here for my friend’s birthday. She said yes, I asked if she said happy birthday to him yet, she said no. I pulled her to Mr. S. It turned out she was here for her friend’s birthday! The four of us chatted. I ran cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She agreed to be my girlfriend #9. She sought rapport so I asked if she’s a spy. She said yes, so I played with her shirt to find the hidden mic, then told her to stand against the wall for a pat down. She didn’t do so. She said she was from San Diego, so I asked where her friends the giraffe and lion were. She said she was the lion, so I played with her hair and complimented her nice mane, then looked at her ass and spanked it, saying, “Nice.”
Somehow the girls wound up leaving us and sitting at the bar. I went up to them and told them we were going to the club we were at earlier, and said they should come. We made them finish their drinks quickly and pulled them back to the club. The door guy remembered us and said, “Hey, these girls weren’t with you when you came earlier. Nice!”
We went inside and the girls seemed to like the environment. I tried to isolate by stopping short of where Mr. S and his girl were, so my girl would chat with in the next room. I sensed she was wondering where her friend went. She rejoined with Mr. S and the other girl. She found them and whispered into her ear something, then they both had to go to the bathroom. Cool.
130. C>5: Of course Mr. S and I knew what to do in this situation: talk to more girls for when they return. Saw a blonde standing by herself. Horse girl. She said her mom raised horses. Chatted a little rapport stuff. Some black dude came by and hugged her, said he left her alone for two minutes and she gets stolen. I quickly befriend the guy and all four of us chat for a long while.
Mr. S and I began to doubt the girls were returning. We excused ourselves and looked for them. Couldn’t find them in the club. Weird. Oh well, we left.
Went to a diner. Mr. S saw a girl go to the bathroom, issued me a challenge to open her before she came back to the guy she was with. Sure! Went in after her, but I didn’t know where the bathroom was. Next thing I know, she came out from the other end of the room and sat back with the guy. Oh well!
Pretty fun night. The girls were into us but something must have been triggered and they bounced. Either that or they were in the can for real long. We should have gotten their numbers, but it was pretty good for the first approach of the night. It was fun hanging out with Mr. S, of course.
Woke up and did Wii Fit. Okay exercise, but I realize it’s been taking longer and longer. I need to only do a select few exercises from now on.
Went for sushi with Drew. Couldn’t get to the sushi buffet, it was closing and they wouldn’t let us in at all. Fine. Went to our new favorite sushi place. Had fantastic sushi with no rice, perfect for my raw diet. Had a great chat with the chef, got a free roll. Wound up cheaper than going to the sushi buffet. Bye bye sushi buffet, it was great not knowing ya!
Went to a rocker club by myself. I had anxiety going solo since I haven’t gone solo in a while. Then I realized that this is the perfect opportunity for me to get over it. Did the night right: read my cheatsheet, adopted the “I’m here to learn” mentality, started doing my ten warm up sets.
121. C<5: I was standing next to a fireplace to warm myself. Two girls came up, excused themselves to get to the fireplace to light a pipe. I said, "This place is dead. Are you responsible for getting people here?" She said she didn't work here, but people usually come in about an hour. We small talked a little more, but I left because it wasn't going anywhere. Kicked myself on the way downstairs for not pushing.
122. C>5 P: Got a water to calm my nerves. An Asian girl with two friends was close by. Almost didn’t approach. Horse girl, cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She was kept answering everything with “maybe”, so I started making fun of her in front of her friends. Her friends left and after a while she decided she wanted to join them, though I think it was due to social awkwardness rather than lack of attraction. Invited her to our BBQ, got her number.
123. C>5 P: Saw a chubby girl across from me. Horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She was from out of town, we talked about where she’s been, which celebrities she’s seen. While talking to her, girl I met a few weeks ago came up to me and said hi, said it was her birthday. I introduced the two, I told her I’d talk to her later. Social proof! Continued talking to the chubby girl. Two of her hot friends came by, one of them was very friendly toward me. I started chatting with her more. The other two became very quiet so I included them in the conversations. Cosmo quiz. The friendly one was very engaged in conversation with me, the other two were yawning. They excused themselves. I pulled the friendly one aside and got her number for the BBQ.
124. B: Tried to open a girl from behind while she was walking away. Fail.
Anxiety came back in the form of apathetic avoidance: avoiding approaching thinking they’re not hot enough or I didn’t feel like talking to them.
125. B: Saw a familiar face. She was alone, saw an earring on the bar next to her. Asked if it were hers, she said no, then went on about how we met a few weeks ago. I said Dylan’s line, “I’m such a douchbag. I forgot your name.” She spoke very softly and I’m partly deaf, so I told her to repeat everything she said three times. Eventually she got tired of repeating herself and sprinted out of the interaction. It was then that I remembered who she was! She was the girl with glow sticks who saw me and sprinted in the opposite direction after I freaked her out by over gaming her.
I suddenly remembered that I’m also working on promoting, so now I have more of a reason to get girls’ numbers and to approach.
126. C<5 E: Saw a girl making her way through the crowd. Horse girl, finished it, got the hug. She reminds me that she was friends with the Asian girl earlier. We chatted a little. I invited her to the club I'm promoting, got her e-mail.
127. C>5 EE: Some guy started talking to me as though he knew me. He then abruptly asked if I knew who he was. I bluntly said no. He asked if I was someone else. I said no. He said, “No wonder you don’t know who I am!” We chatted some more, excused himself. I later saw a girl with cool pants. Complimented her on her pants, she said she got them in NY. We vibed about the NY commonality, then it turns out the guy was friends with the girl! We started chatting some more. He seemed like a cool guy, so I got his e-mail to do some networking, then he left. I turned my attention back to the girl, who was talking to another guy. We chatted some more. I tried to entice them to go to the club I am promoting. Girl hates the club. Guy catches on and asks if I’m a promoter. I got his e-mail to invite him. Odd that in this whole interaction I got the two guys’ e-mails but not the girl’s contact info. I didn’t even ask, I was so put off by her attitude.
I left the place after circling it twice. Apathetic avoidance. Went to another bar.
128. C>5 E: The place was dead, except for five girls all together. Got my water to calm my nerves. Walked to the back, nothing. Walked back to the front. Finally, I told myself I’m here to learn. Horse girl. It turned out they didn’t speak English. Instead of ejecting I made the best of it. I escalated as much as I could, played around trying to spit broken Spanglish to them, used baby words to express myself as best I could. One girl was particularly interested in me. The others went to the dance floor and left me alone with her. I escalated her while exchanging Spanglish with each other. Found out she’s leaving tomorrow for San Diego, then Vegas, then she’s out of here. Tonight’s her only night in town. She asked me how old I was, I tried to tell her I’m 80. She said she’s 19. I then realized I said I was 18, so I used my fingers to tell her, EIGHT ZERO. Then I told her I take a lot of vitamins and exercise. It was fun trying to break the language barrier. One of her friends came by to pull her to the dance floor, so I left. Got her Facebook because I’m in one of their pictures.
Got home. Chatting with Dylan, I realized something. In the past, I wasn’t sure how to describe my identity because I do so many things but none of them were fully developed. Instead if a girl asks what I do, I should say, “Wow, that’s a tough one. Let’s see. I moved out here to go on an adventure, trying a ton of new things. I’m working on my own clothing line, I’m promoting for a club, I’m a snowboard instructor. Of course I had a typical 9-5 job in the past but that wasn’t not for me.”
I used to think I should describe one of these things fully, as though that’s all I am, but it was very one dimensional and shallow because I didn’t do much of each of these. But the fact is, I’m working on all these things because I am chasing my dreams, which is much cooler than most well-established 9-5 jobs.
Pretty good night tonight. Went out alone, got a few numbers, a few e-mails. Got into a good rhythm of approaching and pushing interactions.
Slept for an hour or two. Drew and another dude came by the house. The three of us went to the mall.
120. C>5 P: At a shoe store there was a cute girl working there. Horse girl, banter, tour guide. Walked away. Walked back, got her opinion on a pair of sneakers I was thinking of getting, pulled Drew in for his opinion. Drew gave it, then walked away. I walked away. Drew asked why I didn’t go for the number and why I didn’t touch her. He reopened her, I joined in. Teased her, Drew said, “I’ll let you two settle this,” and left. Invited her to the BBQ next Sunday, got her number.
Pretty fun day. Got some material for my custom clothing project, ready to work on that. Worked with Drew to give the guy an awesome makeover. Got a girl’s number pretty easily, didn’t even run much hard game on her.
Woke up really really late. Got out of the house at 2 a.m. Walked around, determined to learn.
I’ve come to realize that I’m here to learn. Yes, it’d be cool to fuck some girls, but I’m here to improve myself so that I can do so. My long-term goal is to improve my skill set, and the only way to do that is to approach.
Anyway, with that mindset, I approached almost everything I could tonight. Still had a little bit of retarded fear in me, but I made the best of what I could tonight.
116. C<5: Walking older lady, cotton candy. Chatted about how everything closes here at 2, tried an identity hook about where I'm from but no, did not hook. Got bored of the conversation and she wasn't my type, eject.
117. B: Guy and girl walking, cotton candy. They stopped for a moment, thought I was weird, walked around me. Weirdos.
118. C<5: Two guys and two girls sitting at bus stop, cotton candy. Chatted a little about what's available to do at this time of night. They gave me a few suggestions. Didn't want to continue, girls weren't hot and seemed to be with boyfriends.
119. C<5: Walking guy, cotton candy. (I was running out of girls.) Answered my question straightforwardly. Walked away.
I wasn’t originally going to go out, I was just going to do some online game. Luckily Martyr shamed me into going out by comparing me to our mutual friend. Thanks!
I decided that my blog was too cluttered last night, so I stayed up to do some housekeeping. Hopefully it will load faster and be easier to read, albeit a little barren.
I also decided that earning 55 cents (in 6 months!) was not worth making my blog ugly with all these ads.
The geek inside wanted to move off blogger and write my own blog publishing software. The lazy bum told me not to bother.
109. B: Horse girl to two walking girls, walked right around me.
110. C<5: Horse girl to two girls looking at accessories. Not her, ejected.
111. C<5: Sex last week to two girls lying on the sand. Couldn't hear me, ejected.
There were a lot of people on the beach, but mostly they were in clusters with guys. So much fear, it’s ridiculous.
Went solo to a college bar. Danced a little, got looks from girls. Of course I didn’t approach a single one.
Decided I didn’t like this bar anymore. Drove to the local bars. Walked up and down the streets for two hours without opening anyone.
112. C<5: Situational. Girls were fighting, I inquired about it. Didn't follow up with anything other than mentioning that I wasn't from here. Bad positioning too, I was standing in front of her most of the time. Very nervous.
113. C<5: Two black chicks walking down the street. You're awesome, high five! Got it.
114. B: Girl walking down street by herself, “Free high five!” No, she couldn’t afford it.
115. C<5: Saw a girl smoking by herself. Sex last week. Not her, she's married. She was very nice about it. I ejected.
Going solo is still very hard, but I need to do it more often to build myself up. Still, it was good that I was able to go by myself. I don’t feel like, “Ugh, I don’t like going solo” at all anymore, not like when I first started a month ago. I just have the same anxiety I used to have with wings. I’ve just got to consistently pump my state up when I go by myself.
My friend Martyr is very honest. He tries to very direct and straightforward with everything he says. Unfortunately his message does not always go across as intended. See, his words are blunt and but his communication is unclear. It is like telling an English-only speaking person “flower bridge” in Cantonese.
I suggest rewording to bring the meaning across, but Martyr seems to think that the slightest spin on words means that there is deception, that the most primitive way of wording his thoughts is the best.
What’s the difference between “It’s my life and there’s nothing you can do about it,” or “I understand that you want to help me make my life decisions, and I will take that into consideration. However, the choice is still mine to make, and I have to live my life as I want, just as you have lived your life as you desired”? All the sub-communications that go on. The former sub-communicates, “I don’t give a shit what you think, you mean nothing to me.” The latter sub-communicates, “I am a responsible person who has taken all views into consideration.”
In a sense, being brutally honest is not honest at all, because the idea is never communicated. The interpretation is all fucked up on the receiving end, and the sender refuses to fix it.
Okay, that was pretty brutally honest. Here’s my spin: Dude, you know I’ve got your back, but you’ve really got to put some thought into the way you are “completely honest”.
Do you believe that people can see your human imperfections and still love you?
How would you be different if you knew the people who care about you would never leave you or stop loving you no matter what?
I believe that people can see my human imperfections and still love me, over time. At the moment of revelation, however, I think that those who love me, especially my parents, would be hurt and in denial. They would view my imperfections as their fault as parents, and wouldn’t understand why I don’t just change to what they consider “normal”. They would tell me to change back to the son they knew years ago, but fail to understand when I tell them that I’ve always been myself, I am just dropping the charade. They would, in time, learn to accept me. I’m just not sure how long that will take.
I am lucky enough to have friends who tend to accept me for who I am, so I haven’t had to hide anything from them.
If I knew the people who cared about me would never leave me or stop loving me no matter what, I would still be hesitant about sharing everything because they could take things personally, as though it were their fault (my parents, obviously). In the process of discovering myself and revealing myself to my parents, I have already hurt them a lot. I do not want to hurt them anymore.
But this is bullshit as well. Because I haven’t called my parents in at least two weeks, and I know they love it when I call them. Each time I call them, I bring us closer and make it easier to reveal everything to them without hurting them. So in reality I’m still avoiding the issue and trying to protect myself from any possible confrontation from the parents.
Worked out until the wee hours of the morning, playing Wii Fit, chatting with Dylan about game. Dylan’s always a pleasure to chat with.
Started calling girls. The one girl who picked up was the one who lived rent-free with her boyfriend. (The girl I made out with behind his back.) We chatted for nearly half an hour. Very boring conversation, she wasn’t really paying attention. Luckily I had my phone game stack, so whenever conversation dried up I pulled something else out. She was very boring, or maybe I was very boring, because the whole time we were on the phone she was surfing Craig’s List for her sister. Invited her to the BBQ.
Didn’t go out tonight. Instead watched True Romance on the elliptical for half an hour. About to Wii Fit.
Look over the lists above. Write down examples of situations in which you have tried to hide or distract attention from any of these perceived flaws. How effective do you think you are in keeping these things hidden from the people you love?
I am late all the time. Instead of telling the person I am late, or trying to better manage time, I often tell the person each step I am doing, to make it seem like there is progress. For example, I would tell the person that I just finished showering, even though I might have already finished an hour ago and was fucking around on the internet. Then I would tell them I am heading out the door, when I am not yet out the door, and am instead still getting dressed. This doesn’t hide that I was late, but it hides that I was inconsiderate enough to do other things while my friends or family were waiting and I was already late.
This one time I was messing with my girlfriend’s computer and nearly wiped out all the data on it. I was able to reverse the damage. She never found out.
I once ripped a teacher’s shirt during class, but he didn’t realize. I later confessed to him that it was I who ripped it. He completely forgave me. He never would have known it was me who ripped it if I didn’t confess.
Many times when people explain things to me that I don’t understand, I just nod and say, “Mmm hmm,” hoping that I will understand as they continue to talk. Sometimes the person will end with a question, so I wind up asking, “Could you repeat that?” I usually get away with this, but if the person or the matter at hand are important to me, then I will tell them to explain better. If it’s not important, I unconsciously pretend to understand to keep the conversation going and to avoid looking stupid.
Sometimes I just tune out certain conversations, such as those I have with my girlfriend at the time. I would be doing one thing while saying just enough “Mmm hmms” to keep the conversation going, until a response is required. Then I tell her to rewind. Nowadays I do nothing while talking on the phone, to give it my full attention.
I have on occasion found money on the ground and kept it without telling anyone. No one ever finds out, but I am always conflicted if there is a way to return it.
There are countless things I’ve done that my parents would consider wrong, that I’ve never told them. I seek my parents’ approval so much that to this day I hide the fact that I’ve smoked cigarettes, cigars, and weed, drank so much I’ve puked, pay (in their minds) high rent to live here, am not looking for a job in computers, have kept my hair long, and dyed it blue again. They do not know the specifics because I do not give them details, but they can infer many of these things from my reluctance to talk about it. Unfortunately hiding all these things also creates a big gap between us, and we cannot be close because of that.
If I am depressed I usually try to hide it by withdrawing or eliminate it by thinking of the good in my world. If it is unable to be reframed, I usually call one of my close friends and tell them my troubles, which eases it. I usually don’t have to hide my depression, I let it out as it comes.
In the past, though, I would not let my girlfriends know about my depression about the relationship, which would eat at me. I would whine to my close friends but do nothing about it, until one day a little thing causes me to explode.
I usually do not let my parents in on the causes of my depression, but my mom can tell due to my short temper at little things.
I usually do not let people know that I am in pain unless it is unbearable. I do not want to look weak, especially in front of peers. Most of the time I hide the pain unless it prevents me from doing what I have to do, such as when I have foot pain and I must walk, or I jammed my finger and must catch a football. Otherwise I just accept the pain and go on.
If I mess up in a small way, I usually just fix it and life goes on. Rarely do I mess up in a way that is unfixable and I do not tell anyone. I’m sure I’ve done it, though, and I would hope they do not notice and not mention it to anyone. The usual case is: I mess up, fix it, and don’t tell anyone. Sometimes people notice but most of the time they do not.
For a long time I’ve hidden feelings I’ve had for many girls, though I now know that it has ultimately prevented me from ever having a chance with them. I usually don’t tell girls what I want to do with them in bed, afraid it will be rejected. Many times in the past I felt lucky just to get sex at all. Threesomes and the like are brought up, but usually in a joking way, to relieve the tension.
I’ve done things most people would consider homosexual behavior. Nobody ever finds out about these unless I tell them. Usually it results in shock but I haven’t lost a friend yet.
I hide from most people when I masturbate, except when I can’t get sex out of my girlfriends, though I’ve done that in the past as well. I’ve been interrupted by people while I masturbated, though only caught by my girlfriends.
If new girls I meet guess that I am younger than I really am, I sometimes do not correct them. They usually do not find out. I have also told girls I am older than I really am, though it is so rare I cannot tell if they ever find out.
I sometimes hide my needs from my family or my girlfriends because they are either unconventional or not openly talked about. The need for kinky sex, for example, is never really discussed. But I do not try to hide it, either, I just let my parents find out on their own when they go through my drawers.
Hung out with Drew and Dylan most of the day. Dylan and Drew got free sushi while I got free tea, since I don’t eat sushi anymore. We went to a clothing store near the house. Bargained a nice jacket from $98 to $45.
As with every new toy, I field tested it immediately. Went solo to a loud club. Walked over a mile there, which saved me gas but wasn’t very pleasant. Still, exercise is good for me.
Stood near the dance floor. Some guy asked me if I played bass. I repeated his question, and he said yeah, that’s what he asked. I said no, unless you count Guitar Hero. He said I looked really cool and thought I must be a musician, because he’s building a band. I guess the jacket’s working.
Went to the dance floor, dance by myself a little. Girls kept dancing closer and closer to me, but I have no idea what to do on the dance floor, so I kept dancing by myself. I guess the jacket and what I call dancing are working.
105. B: Saw a blonde walking by herself. I said, “Hey,” to which she retorted, “We didn’t have sex.”
This afternoon I heard an interview Brad gave, where he said he never really feared blowouts; instead he feared the way blowouts would affect his brain chemistry. That was why when Brad was blown out, he would immediately talk to a girl to the left, to avoid the blowout from forming negative thoughts by dwelling on it. I thought to myself, “Must approach to improve brain chemistry!” so I looked for another girl to approach immediately.
106. B: Saw a blonde sitting by herself. Sat next to her, sex last week. Couldn’t hear me. You and me, last week, did we fuck? Very drunk. She said no. Cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. It was difficult for her to hear me, and I was quickly becoming the creepy guy who sat next to her and is leaning in to talk to her (because she has been leaning the other way the whole time). 8 girlfriends. “How about you go away?” Hmm, okay, how about number 6? “No, please go away.” You drive a hard bargain. Number 3. “Seriously, go away.” Nah, I like this sofa. This is my sofa. She whispered to the guy at the other sofa. I decided she’s probably not going to leave, and the other guy’s probably going to kick my ass or call security soon. I left.
107. C>5: Saw four tall blondes at the bar. Went to the hottest one, sex last week. She forgave me for not calling last week. Cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She agrees to be my 9th girlfriend. I put my arm around her and introduced her as my 9th girlfriend to her friends. Brain fart, forgot the rest of my routines. Talked about snowboarding and other stuff. Started talking to her chubby friend a little, to befriend her. My girl excused herself to talk to the other two friends while I chatted with the chubby friend. After a few minutes they all went to the bathroom. What I did wrong: I should have continued with the routines and escalated more. I didn’t go farther than her shoulder and putting my arm around her shoulders. Blah.
Some Asian chick give me the hard eye while I passed her. Too bad she was dancing with some dude.
108. B: Saw another blonde walking alone. “Hey, this is kind of embarrassing,” I started, when she retorted, “No, we did not have sex last week.” Hmm, I guess I must have opened a lot of girls last week with this!
I was more amused than upset at my last blowout. I left the venue happy. I didn’t feel like I could do much better there, since there are virtually no places for me to talk and have girls hear me.
I walked the long way back home, hoping for some street game. Nothing. Oh well.
Interesting night. I got a nice jacket for pretty cheap, which seems to attract good attention. I made some progress toward being a promoter, talking to the door guy. I went solo to a loud club, which I generally don’t do well in. I got one girl attracted but lost it. My fault. One girl had to try really hard to get me to leave. Two girls recognized me from last week, haha. I’m becoming notorious!
If you did not care what people thought of you, how would you live your life differently?
If you were not concerned with getting the approval of women, how would your relationships with the opposite sex be different?
If I didn’t care what people thought of me, I’d tell everyone exactly what was on my mind. I would not lie unless it was for amusement, as a joke, or for manipulation. I would present myself to the world as I want, dress the way I want, talk the way I want, do the things that I want without regard to others’ impressions of me.
If I didn’t care about getting women’s approval, I would put up with less bullshit and be less likely to do things in pursuit of sex or affection. I would not grow soft just because a girl pouts or cries, because I’d think it’s pathetic to do so. I would not put up with the emotional drama that occurs. In turn, women would take me more seriously when I say no. They would know they have no emotional or sexual hold over me and try to convince me in more rational ways. I would not be as scared bringing up topics to women, allowing me to talk more freely about whatever I wanted to. I would not worry about whether something I said was “macho pig sexist” talk or whatever, and just say how I feel as a man.
Mr. S had a date tonight and wanted me to wing him because his date had a friend. So we went to the local tourist bar to warm up.
102. C<5: Saw a girl standing by herself. Decided to warm up. Sex last week, cat, smart tests. For some reason I didn't finish smart tests, I only asked her, "Are you smart?" She said yes, then followed up with, "The real question you should be asking is, am I interested? And the answer is no." I said, "What a coincidence!" and stood there for a few minutes, ignoring her, until I decided to approach other girls. Or so I thought.
The bar was getting really crowded. Mr. S and I were both uncomfortable with the crowd, so we went elsewhere. While driving, Mr. S decided that the girl was flaking so he dropped me off back at the same bar and drove home.
For what felt like three hours (but in actuality one hour) I walked around, full of anxiety. The crowdedness and going solo was getting to me.
I walked back home, wondering what I could have done to fix tonight, aside from the obvious, which was to approach. I determined that I had extra anxiety tonight because I wasn’t warmed up and since I no longer allow myself to eject, each approach has become more difficult. The crowds and going solo also made things more difficult for me.
I discussed this with Dylan when I got back. To fix this, I must remember to do my three warm up approaches. To make things extra smooth, my warm ups do not need to last, my intention is to approach and eject immediately. (Of course, if the approach hooks, I will probably wind up staying anyway.)
103. C>5: Drew texted me that he saw Mr. S on his date. It turned out his date just got out of the concert really late and met up with him. I drove to the diner they were at, pretended I was getting some food and just happened to run into them. I started chatting with the friend, but they were on their way out. I think I did a good job winging. Just normal conversation, played with the various green stuff she had on, reckon/yonder, eat shit. Ran confusion game on her: when she asked me what music I listened to, I made her guess, then told her I listened to Barney music, the alphabet song, itsy bitsy spider.
The girls and Mr. S left, I pretended to use the bathroom, then left. I ran into a bunch of the coaches and we went back to the same diner. Ate some food, chatted.
104. C>5: I went to the bathroom. A tall black chick came out of the men’s bathroom. I accused her of being one of those chicks with dicks. She assured me she has a pussy. She said she would like to be one, I put my arm around her and said, “Didn’t your mom ever tell you you can be anything you want to be?” It turns out she said, “I would like to meet one.” I told her about where I lived, how there are lots of gay and lesbian people there. Demanded her name, cat. Tour guide, but she lives in the valley. I teased her about being a valley girl, said she should be a blonde white cheerleader. I said I was black. Some guy ran into the bathroom, I blamed her and spanked her. She said if she were alone she’d give me her number. At this point I should have said, “You can keep your number, you’re in my friend zone anyway.” The guy left, I said my goodbye, went for a kiss but got the cheek. I went to the bathroom alone.
It was an interesting night. Although I didn’t approach as many girls as I normally do, I made myself go out alone regardless, and stayed in despite not feeling well. I made an emergency effort to wing Mr. S; hopefully that helped his overall game. The girl at the bathroom was attracted but I didn’t escalate enough. Still, a pretty good effort at approaching, practicing teasing.
I’ve taken surveys in several No More Mr. Nice Guy groups asking the members about the attachments they use to try to get external approval. The following are just a few of the responses. Look over the list. Note any of the ways in which you seek approval. Add to the list any behaviors that are uniquely you. Write down examples of each. Ask others for feedback about the ways in which they see you seeking approval.
Doing my hair, wearing nice clothes, putting on jewelry before going outside.
Being smart.
Appearing unselfish.
Being different from other people.
Staying sober, not being a drunk in front of people.
Getting rid of body fat, not showing off my belly and thin body.
Being good in bed.
Never getting angry.
Always looking at the bright side of things.
Being peaceful with everybody.
Being a great pickup artist/having great social skills.
Going out every day.
Being a good driver.
Being a safe driver.
Dressing well.
Having a sense of style.
Being nice.
Respecting women.
Respecting people of alternative sexual preferences/genders.
Never offending anybody.
Earning people’s trust.
Never holding grudges.
Showing people who I am and what I do.
Appearing to be authoritative, cool, fun, masculine.
Being able to understand others’ feelings and experiences.
I walked around the rock clubs near the house, didn’t approach anything. AA.
Drove to the rocker club where I met the German girl last week. Couldn’t find her at first, so I did some warmups.
95. C<5: Saw two girls, sex last week, no, eject.
96. C<5: Short Mexican girl, sex last week, no, eject.
97. B: Girl walking through the crowd, didn’t even get to the hook question, walked right by me.
Spotted the German girl. She was with a guy. I remembered Brad’s advice to hit on girls so she could see, and get her to approach me.
98. C<5: Saw a girl with blue hair. Situational, how do you do it like that? Didn't really speak English much, and it was apparently green.
99. B: Saw a hot blonde at the bar. Sex last week, cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She suddenly walked away.
100. B: Saw a tall hot brunette next to German girl. Tapped her to get her attention, but she was busy talking to the bartender. Waited around like a chump until she was done talking. Horse girl. She didn’t hear me. She left.
101. C<5: Saw a girl with three guys who looked familiar near the German girl. Asked if she was that girl. No. Sex last week. Nope, but she was good humored about it. I didn't follow up with anything.
I wanted to approach the German girl and horse girl her, then mid-opener recognize her, per Brad’s advice. Unfortunately the rest of the night she was making out with random girls and guys. So I’ll pretend I didn’t even see her tonight and call her tomorrow. Hopefully my little performance raised my value in her eyes.
I suffered from low state and anxiety the whole night, but I managed to go out alone and approach anyway. I also tried some advanced social manipulation, which I had never done before.
It is impossible to cover every factor that might cause a young boy to try to hide his perceived flaws and seek approval from others. I don’t believe it is essential for Nice Guys to uncover every experience that ever made them feel unsafe or bad. But I have found that some understanding of where a life script originated is helpful in changing that script.
Reread the stories of Alan, Jason, and Jose. Think about how these stories are similar to your own childhood experiences. On a separate piece of paper or in a journal, write down or illustrate the messages you received in your family that seemed to imply that it wasn’t OK for you to be who you were, just as you were. Share these experiences with a safe person. As you do, note your feelings. Do you feel sad, angry, lonely, numb? Share this information as well.
The purpose of this assignment is to name rather than blame. Blaming will get you stuck. Naming these childhood experiences will allow you to replace these messages with more accurate ones and help you change your Nice Guy script.
Like Alan, I did well in school early on and made my mom proud. I went to a good high school school and was in the accelerated program in my elementary school, which made me feel distinguished.
My dad wasn’t home very often. He was home during the week usually, but always gone during the weekends to gamble. While he was gone, my mom spoke badly of him to me. She told me that money isn’t everything (my dad gave me money instead of spending time with us) and being addicted to gambling is very bad. She told me how dumb my dad was, how she held up the foundations of the family and made everything work. This made me hate gambling and look down upon my father intellectually. Playing cards was considered bad, and even though I wasn’t playing for money I felt guilty for doing something associated with gambling. One time I asked how to reheat rice in the microwave and my mom yelled at me for being as dumb as my dad.
My mom instilled into me that I need to work hard to be useful in life. I needed to study hard for school and get good grades, so I can get into an even better school later on, or getting a good job. Then I needed to work hard at my job to get raises or to improve my resume so I can get a better job. I was always told that life was about working. My grades were never good enough in school, I never worked hard enough at work. I should have spent more time studying and less time playing. I should have spent more hours at work and less hours off work. Any negative marks on my report card I felt showed my failures as a human being. I didn’t know how to improve my “class participation” grade from a Satisfactory to an Excellent, nor was I shown how. I was told to go up to the teacher and ask questions I already knew the answer to, or to help the teacher out after school to suck their dicks, even though I didn’t want to. (Not literally.)
I’ve smoked and I’ve drank. My mother was shocked the first time she saw me drink at the age of 26. My mother still believes or is in denial that I have never smoked in my life. I feel guilty every time I hide these activities from my mom, even if I don’t do them. I am too worried about how she views me to fully show my mother who I am.
My mom always tells me she does everything for me and my brother, so we should thank her by obeying her every command and always agreeing with her. I feel guilty that she worked so hard with me and my brother in mind, even though I feel that I should live my own life and not the life preplanned by my parents for me. My parents paint the picture that living my own life is abandoning them.
Like Jason, my parents were strict and overprotective. I was never allowed to go out with my friends, I was only to stay home and study. Even if I didn’t study, I had to stay home because the outside world was too dangerous.
I was told to not have any relationships until I was working or in college, I don’t remember which. I was told my grades were the most important thing in my life. Every year from the fifth grade I was told, “This year is the most important year of your life. Don’t mess it up.” I had to hide my first girlfriend from my parents. Once they found out, they picked out every little thing that was wrong with her, magnified it, and tried to make me ashamed of her. I was told she was too old, men generally marry much younger women (she was one year younger than me), she’s a party girl and a slut, I should find a prim and proper girl, she smokes and drinks, neither of which I supposedly did. I felt conflicted, having to defend my girlfriend at the time against my parents, being forced to take sides with one or the other.
I was expected to make every decision after consulting the family. Every time I made a decision without doing so first, my parents would point out the pitfalls of the decision, and that I should have consulted them first. I was told that I don’t have as much experience, so it follows that my decisions would inevitably be incorrect. I felt guilty for making my own decisions. I felt guilty even if I felt I was right. I felt guilty even if there were no clear cut answers, because it was not what my parents would have chosen.
My mom loves to tell me that she has never done anything to harm me. This is not true. She never meant to harm me, but she has read my mail, lost checks she meant to deposit, eavesdropped on my phone conversations, made decisions on my behalf, discouraged me from exploring things she has no interest in (playing guitar, snowboarding, going out with friends), talked badly of my friends (as if alienating me from my friends will bring me closer to her). I felt repressed because I could never tell my mom that she has, in fact, harmed me, but I could never tell her that because she would feel that I was ungrateful and would be hurt that I could even think that way.
My parents fought a lot in the past, when my dad drank more. Over the years my dad has mellowed out more and drank less. My mom still berates him in front of everyone. When my parents fought, I usually took my mom’s side because she’s better at convincing me. When my mom points out my dad’s stupidity I laugh, even though he’s my dad and even though everyone does stupid things at times. I do not notice that the berating of another human being is right.
My parents have taken a vacation together once, as far as I can tell. They went to Europe. We have rarely taken family vacations, maybe at most five times in our lives. There is hardly any excitement in our family because of that. Every day is very mundane. We do not go for summer vacations, because we go to summer school. Vacations are not taken advantage of. Long term travel is discouraged; what I am doing now is totally disapproved. Instead what I should be doing is to travel for a week, max. That’s all anyone really needs. Those needs were determined by my mom, someone who rarely travels because she is afraid of the outside world.
My mom had a near 4.0 GPA in school, which I could never compete with. So did my uncle. My parents were both hard working in their primes, but I was never as hard working as they were. As a result I always feel inadequate and lazy whenever comparing myself to my mom and uncle.
Like Jose, I repressed my anger and never tried to say anything that would upset anyone. I came to the conclusion when I was in junior high school that if I could just get any girl to be my girlfriend, I would treat her like a princess and her happiness and acceptance of me would be enough to make me happy. In high school I thought that if I were the cool guy that everyone liked and had lots of friends, I would be really happy. I discovered that this kind of living was very shallow, in that I could make a lot of friends because everyone was happy around me, but I would be taken advantage of in the end. I could never stand up for myself and never ask for anything. I felt helpless, yet I felt that I should be happy because others were happy.
I smothered both my girlfriends. They were both highly independent when I met them, but became highly dependent on me after a while, due to my spending lots of time with them. I was stuck with both girlfriends 24/7 for huge stretches of time. My first girlfriend actually lived with me for months at a time. My second girlfriend had to go home every night, but we spent nearly every minute outside of work together. Midway into both relationships I realized things were not going well, but I couldn’t dump either of them because they were so dependent on me. I was afraid they couldn’t make it without me at all. I felt that I should not be selfish and leave them; instead I felt that I should take the pain and be a good boyfriend. Since the relationship had gone on for so long, it would be a shame to let a little thing here and there destroy it, as though long relationships were worth something.
There was nothing really seriously wrong. If either of them had cheated on me or were physically violent toward me, perhaps; unfortunately I am a very tolerant person, so nothing really bothered me enough to say, “That’s enough. We’re over.”
Since both my parents worked, I was often taking care of my brother. I was expected to be the older, smarter, more responsible one, even if I wasn’t smarter or more responsible. I was often told that I was better in school than my brother, and smarter. I always believed that, too, but I don’t think that is true anymore. I think that my parents have raised me with higher expectations, which forced me to perform better in school, and my parents never had such expectations on my brother, so he was able to relax more. Also the constant low expectations have detrimental effects on his self-esteem. As a result he didn’t expect himself to do as well in school as I did, so he didn’t. That’s unfortunate, because scholastic aptitude is probably one of the worst judges of a person’s worth. I am sorry for ever believing I am better than my brother.
My parents hid family troubles from me. I have an aunt whose entire family I never get to see because her family is considered selfish, manipulative, and a bad influence. All family news is filtered through my parents. I felt isolated from my extended family, even though I have many family members in NY. I never tried to get their contact information and felt that it was only through family gatherings organized by my mom that I could have permission to see them.
I am the second oldest male in my generation from my father’s side. The oldest male ran away from home over ten years ago and was conveniently forgotten, so now I inherit the family name. Everyone expects great things from me. I feel that I have let them all down by not living up to their expectations, even though I never agreed to them.
My family expects me to do everything to do with computers for them, rather than trying to learn it on their own. My mom blames me for her failure to expand her eBay sales because I never taught her how to use a digital camera. She blamed me for replying to an e-mail five days late even though she didn’t tell me about the e-mail until five days had passed. I feel guilty that I am leaving my family helpless without my technical support, even though most families do fine in the same situation.
85. B: Day game with Brad. Went to the mall. Brad told me to talk to a girl sitting by herself. There was a chair across from her, so I sat across from her. Horse girl, kind of amused. Cat routine. Didn’t really like it, told me to buzz off.
Brad told me it was too intense because I was sitting right across from her. He told me to adjust my angles and be smoother by slowing down a little.
86. B: Two walking girls, horse girl, walked right around me.
87. C<5: Next girl. Japanese girl, standing around. Horse girl, cat routine. Tried to read her palm, didn't work. She slowly walked away. I thought it was bad because I wasn't commanding enough and didn't stack my routines, but surprisingly he complimented me, saying it was good that I immediately adjusted my angles and slowed down the pace to a more daytime appropriate one.
Brad told me to keep practicing until we got lunch.
88. B: Saw a girl walking by herself. Sex last week. No, disgusted, haha.
89. B: Saw a girl walking by herself. Horse girl. “You already asked me this a few minutes ago!”
90. C>5: Saw a girl walking by herself. Horse girl, cat, palm reading. She said she doesn’t go on dates to often, since she has a husband. I ignored it and continued the palm reading. Tour guide. Her husband came back. I introduced myself, befriended the husband. The girl helped me out, telling him I was asking for cool places to go to. We talked about moving from the east coast, and after a while we amicably parted.
We got lunch.
91. B: Brad sent me to stop some girls. Two girls, couldn’t stop them so I walked slightly ahead with horse girl. They weren’t giving me anything, weren’t stopping, so I left. A little disappointed in myself for not stacking, but Brad noted that I didn’t start stopping her earlier.
92. B: Tried again, two girls, horse girl, walked right by me.
93. C<5: Brad said my delivery was good, he couldn't figure out why it wasn't working, so he told me to try another opener. Two girls walking away, he told me to run up ahead of them and open them. Oprah opener, they loved it. I couldn't stack after, but Brad was happy I was able to stop them.
Brad analyzed the situation. Told me getting a girl naked in a hot tub leveled me up to an intermediate, that I don’t need to be so strict with my structure and can let things flow more naturally and play around with things a little. Also, my night game is a lot more tight than my day game, I need to make the necessary adjustments.
94. C>5: The guys saw two girls, each with casts on their left feet, with crutches between them on the bench. It was determined, of course, that it should be sitting with girls. I walked up to them, very politely said, “I don’t mean to be a jerk, but could I sit there?” Sat for about three seconds, then turned to the cuter girl, horse girl. Fluff talked a little. She was from Boston, her family was here, I asked if they had to give her piggy back rides around. Smart tests, freestyled smart/hot/rich but when I got to describing how hot I was, she asked if I were a model, we role played about hidden cameras and stuff. That knocked me off track. We chatted some more. Conversation dried up, she started texting so I asked if she was having a text war. Silence. I mirrored her, checking my cheat sheet. Does she snowboard? No, she ice skates. Asked how good she was. Silence. Okay gotta meet my friends, bye.
Got back to the house. Talked 1-on-1 with Brad, who told me to try freestyling about 20-30% of the time, but continue using structured material for the rest. He said that he felt good about my authoritative voice tone, people weren’t fucking with me anymore and were taking me more seriously. If I get blown out a lot, look at my body language and voice tone, and go back to the stack if necessary.
I said I noticed getting a lot of attraction now. Last night in the I was able to build high attraction for four or five girls, but I didn’t utilize it in the form of physical escalation. He asked why that was, and I told him I was worried it would get me to lose attraction. In short, I was an attraction junkie and feared that physical escalation would make me lose the girl. He asked me if I could do last night over, what would I have done differently. I told him I’d be a lot more aggressive at each stage, if I knew I would lose the girl at the end due to not being aggressive enough, that I’d rather get slapped on the street, or have her run out of the hot tub and get dressed and leave. So Brad told me to be more aggressive, because the girl can always say, “No”. He said that girls want guys to be aggressive and not pussies, which is why they put up all this resistance, to test if you are a man or a pussy. The more you persist, the more of a man you are, the more she likes you.
It’s weird, I didn’t get as much results in terms of numbers, but I feel that I got so much farther with these girls than I ever have in the past.
Brad came by. We played a routine practicing game, going in a circle, practicing and perfecting routines we were uncomfortable with. I did cat routine to lead into palm reading, then round two I did Cosmo quiz. We never got to round three due to an unfortunate accident. Feel better Jake!
73. B: The four of us went to the mall to do some day game. I saw a girl walking out of the food court. Opened her from behind, stopped her. Positioned at 90 degrees, sex last week. Nope, not her. She walked away. Drew said I should not tap, but rather walk aside her, or jump right in front and Rodman her. I’m still working on my walking away opening technique.
74. C>5: I saw a girl smoking by the food court. She kept looking at this guy a few feet away from her. I thought they might know each other, but it was probably creative avoidance. Horse girl, cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She finished smoking, went to the guy and held hands with him while walking away. I was right that they were together, but I’m glad I went anyway, because you can never know for sure. And it’s not like anything bad happened to me.
We met Brad back at the house. Brad said he saw me talking to two groups of girls. The first group he was worried about because he didn’t see me do any routines, meaning I regressed from last month. The second group he felt much more confident about because I was confident and authoritative. He told me to continue unleashing a flood of routines, to increase my repertoire.
We went to a club. Approach anxiety was present. I notice it comes a lot when I am tired. I was definitely tired from the mall. Anyway.
75. C>5 E: Three girls at the bar. One girl I saw looking around the bar, so I figured she’d be most likely bored and thus easiest to talk to. Sex last week. She said it’s a good line, said she wanted to introduce me to a younger girl she works with. I didn’t take the bait. She asked my name. Brad Pitt. She said she heard someone else say that. I said yeah everyone’s saying it. Cat routine, palm reading, Cosmo quiz, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She said she had to talk to her friends because she had been talking to me for so long. I tried to yes ladder to her number, but only got her e-mail. She wouldn’t even give me her last initial! She’s a tough one. I slapped her ass at one point, she said I owed her $100. I played it off saying, “Yeah? Put it on my tab. I’ll swipe my card on your ass later.” Next time I should say, “Oh please. You’re lucky the first one’s free. It’s a grand each after.” Unfortunately after the spank went bad (in my mind), I stopped physically escalating, which probably caused attraction to dwindle.
76. C>5: Brad was winging Mr. S. He pulled me in to talk to this girl. I wasn’t sure which routines Mr. S used, so I had to talk intellectually with the girl in the bar. I found out her boyfriend was the bartender so I stopped escalating. Once escalation stopped conversation dried up. (I’m noticing a pattern here.) She pulled her friend away and said she needed to chat with her. I let her go.
77. C>5 P: Two girls just came into the club. Sex last week, she loves it. Said we had fantastic sex. Cat routine, palm reading, Cosmo quiz, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. There were more, I just don’t recall. Eventually she had to go, her friend was sick and she promised to only stay for ten minutes. Oh well. Got her number. In retrospect, with the attraction level I received, I should have at least kissed her.
78. B: Brad gave me a challenge. One guy two girls at a table. Hesitation. Horse girl. I did not follow up with anything after the hug. Soft blowout via backturn. Like acid in my face.
79. C<5: A girl walking by. Sex last week. Not her, smiled, got her name, said mine, she left. I should have immediately gone into the cat routine. Lost in an instant.
Slowly I’ve learned to calibrate sex last week for loud clubs.
80. C>5: Asian girl with two friends checking me and Brad out. Hesitated, caught her as her two friends were walking to the dance floor. Sex last week, she cracked up. Cat, palm reading, Cosmo quiz, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. Running out of steam and attraction was wilting. Blender routine. She laughed but she said she had to go find her friends. Asked me where my friends were, I said they were around. She left. I think for this girl, I had a lot of attraction early on. I just needed to use the compliance and start making out with her. She mentioned several times throughout the interaction that she had a boyfriend, but she didn’t act like it.
81. C>5: I was pissed off at myself for having anxiety. That anger pushed me to adopt a very authoritative attitude. I looked around, saw one girl by herself by the bar. Sex last week. That’s a bad pickup line. Kept going. No, really, that’s a bad pickup line. Okay, fine. Since she was so wary of bad lines, I avoided any lines I was practicing, to avoid sounding unnatural. I asked, “What’s a good line, then?” She started teaching me to say, “What drink are you having?” I mocked, “Yeah, and what do you say after? Is that mango mojito delicious?” She said no, maybe that’s not a good line, but come up with something witty! I said, “Look. We’ve been talking for about 4 minutes, and you, the self-professed dating guru can’t think of anything to say.” I challenged her at every moment, making her prove to me that she’s smart. (I had slipped in smart tests at one point, which I’ve done so much it’s pretty natural to me.) She said, “It doesn’t matter. Talking about sex early on is bad.” I retorted, “Yeah? Well you’re still talking to me.” I asked, “So, dating guru, what would you do to recommend if the girl has a boyfriend?” She said, “Well you shouldn’t want to talk to her.” I said, “That’s not true. You have a boyfriend, I still want to fuck you.” Lots of touching going on. She slapped my shoulder, I shoved her back and accused her of being a domestic abuser. I turned it around, body guard routine. I told her I’ve had enough of her abuse. I’m hiring her as my bodyguard so she can beat other bitches up instead of me. Just in time! Her boyfriend came by. We talked about the bodyguard thing, then asked if he gets abused as well, which he played along with. We had this whole drama thing going where he was being physically abused, and I was there to save him from her, telling him, “She’s not worth it. You deserve better!” They all loved it. He left me along with her a few times since he trusted her and me. I kept touching her, we hugged and kissed on the lips a few times. I spanked her. I got bored, though, since her boyfriend was in the club, so I couldn’t do anything. Plus he seemed like a cool guy. I eventually ejected.
82. B: A black girl was sitting at the edge of a sofa. Seated girls are best opened by sitting with them. I told her to scoot over so I could sit. She complied. Sex last week. She freaked out and ran away. Brad, Nomad, and I had a big laugh about it. Then she ran back to verify. I laid on the sappiness and begged for forgiveness, I didn’t meant to not call. She reiterated that it wasn’t her. I said, OMG I am so embarrassed, so sorry. She said it’s okay and walked away. We had another big laugh about it.
83. C>5 P: Dylan, Brad, and I were walking home when we saw three girls taking pictures. Brad opened them, playing around. There were three of us and three of them, so we each tackled one girl, chatting them up. They posed, took lots of pictures. One girl was especially fun. Dylan mentioned a BBQ. The girls perked up and wanted in. He said he’ll take their number, oh wait, he doesn’t have his phone, asked me to take their number. I got the hot girl’s number. I heard Muse playing in their car, it turns out they were all Muse fans. I chatted with them a little about Muse, about how I left my Muse shirts in NY, and made fictional future plans about watching the next Muse concert in LA. Reintroduced myself to all the girls, left.
84. C>5 P: The three of us saw two girls at the corner smoking. I opened the dark haired girl with sex last week. She hated it. Brad tackled her. I chatted with the blonde. Brad suggested to the group that we go to our house. The blonde wanted to, the brunette didn’t. Brad convinced the girl to come, giving her a piggy back ride along the way.
Once we got to the house, Dylan disappeared. The fire pit was lit, so we all went on the chairs and chilled. Brad took the brunette into the house, leaving me with the blonde. We shared stories, she showed me her pictures. I saw some handicraft, so I told her I have to show her something. Brought her into my room, showed her my latest project, which was to recreate Brad’s jacket. I knew she was passionate about cooking and other stuff, so I just let her keep talking about how to go about the modifications. Unfortunately I didn’t escalate as much as I should have, and she was rapidly getting sober. She asked me for water, I went to the kitchen to get some. When I came back, she was out of my room and standing near the bar. I said she looked familiar, asked if we danced a night or two ago. Do you remember this? Slow danced. She said no. We were close, so I told her I’ve never kissed a girl from Denver before, make out. She broke away, said there were issues with her boyfriend she was trying to resolve, apologized several times. I told her to stop apologizing, told her that this was a happy house and there will be no negativity, looking her in the eye. She offered to make me a drink and smoke outside. I got the drink, but never touched it. We went outside to smoke, then she saw the hot tub. She suggested we go in, then ran into the house and tried to get the brunette. There was some drama, but eventually we got the brunette to the hot tub. Nomad stripped and hopped into the tub, and so did I. I have never felt closer to Nomad. The girls deliberated while we just enjoyed the hot tub. The social pressure was too much for the blonde, so she stripped and hopped in. Nomad left me alone with her and started making out with the brunette, who refused to get in. I tried getting close to the girl, but a few seconds later she would create some distance. Repeat, repeat. Finally I tried to give her a massage. She resisted, saying it won’t lead to sex. I told her she’s been really tense the whole night, and I am just trying to relax her. Massage a little, the brunette said she wanted to go. I tried some last ditch efforts to kiss her neck but she got out. I said she should contact me the next time she comes to LA (in two months). She said she’ll take my number but didn’t want to give hers because of her boyfriend. I said okay, then took my phone and stared at it, awaiting her number to be input. She gave it. Such weak social freedom. We dried, kissed a few times more good bye, and they left.
Okay, good things: I am able to build pretty high attraction in a loud club, enough that I could have done a lot more with it. Also Brad proved that street game can be awesome. We got a car full of girls who want to meet up and brought two girls home from the street.
I haven’t played football since elementary school. Dylan, Nomad, and I threw a football around for a bit today. Pretty cool to do some guy things, since most of my friends are girls. Jammed two of my fingers, but it’s a good kinda pain, ya know?
64. B: I saw a girl in a bikini top and rollerblades at an ATM. Sex last week. She didn’t like it at all, haha. “What? No! Just because I’m in a bikini top doesn’t mean I’m a ho!”
Brad came by for our monthly workshop. We discussed our progress. I am to continue calling girls, but when a girl flakes, categorize her as one of those flaky girls and not be so easy to meet up with. Be challenging so she really has to promise to not flake anymore, so she doesn’t keep flaking.
I said I was having trouble with loud clubs, because sex last week doesn’t work when I have to repeat it. Brad thinks it’s a body language change. He also suggested I shorten it to, “Drunk last week. Did we fuck? “.
We practiced stopping walking girls. In the past I strafed to block girls from walking past me, but Brad’s Rodman technique is far more advanced. First he blocks the girl. Then when she tries to walk past him, he hops back a little and continues to block her, two or three more times, then he turns around and holds her back with the back of his hand, almost like he accidentally spread his arms wide and smacked her. After that, he walks with the girl. (Most girls, in my experience, stop at the first or second block.) He also seems to walk slightly ahead of the girl, so it’s like the girl is following him. Walking slightly behind makes it seem like he’s following, which makes him a stalker.
Lesson over. We walked around the local rocker clubs, hoping to do some street game. No such luck, the streets were as dead as usual. I observed Brad talk to a few girls, and watched him talk to a girl with three guys. They were really friendly, so it wasn’t too hard, except that he had to be entertaining and dominating the group. He made sure everyone in the group was involved with the conversations, and kept going back to the girl, putting her on the spot. He tried to get her number by inviting them to an afterparty, then asking for the leader’s number. Two guys were in the band, so they’d be all sweaty and not down for an afterparty. The brother eliminated himself, saying he’s going home afterward, so Brad pointed to the girl and appointed her the leader and asked for her number. She said that’s too much information, then Brad said it was cute, she thinks he’s trying to get her number, she must have a crush on him. The girl played it off, but eventually no number was given.
65. C>5: Two girls walking up the street. Stopped them, sex last week. They somehow cornered themselves. Smart tests, smart/hot/rich, impress me. They said I’m the guy, I’m supposed to impress them. I said yeah, I used to do that, but then I read a book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, and I realized that impressing everyone just upset me. So now I impress myself. I challenged them, asking if they read books, what was the last book they read. We talked about Twilight, I accused them of being vampires. Brad came in to observe, but I thought he was winging, so I got lazy and let him take over. Oops. I stopped talking and let Brad run the show at that point. Somehow I went to the girl and asked if she really doesn’t remember me. Then I did the whole remember this routine, but didn’t end it with a kiss. I don’t remember if we tried to go for their numbers, but we didn’t get it. Brad asked me why I didn’t run my stack on them, I couldn’t quite figure it out at the time. It was mostly because I thought my conversation was good enough to keep them entertained. I felt that my conversation wasn’t bad, though it wasn’t great. The biggest problem was that once Brad entered, I basically stopped talking.
The streets were dead, so we went to a college frat bar.
Brad horse girled two girls. Instantly hooked. I couldn’t hear because we were right under the speaker, but clearly Brad was able to get his message across, so it proves I can do it too. Some guy comes in with another girl and pulls both girls away. Brad worked around it, chatting with the whole group. The whole time the guy’s got his arms around the two cute girls in the group, but Brad engaged everyone. Eventually Brad mouthed, “Pull me out!” and I grabbed him and pulled him out. Apparently he was throwing lots of stories, which would hook but unhook very quickly.
It was time for us to approach. I was told to make a stack of five routines and run them. My stack was: sex last week, cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends, palm reading.
Couldn’t really find much.
66. B: Saw a black girl by herself. Sex last week. Couldn’t hear me. Tried the abridged version. Didn’t work, her friend suddenly swooped in and saved her.
67. C>5: Talked to two short girls. Sex last week, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends, palm reading. At some point the friend left us alone, even though I was engaging the both of them. I got to the lines on her wrist means this… and she cracked up, said I was too much, said she needs to talk to her friend and that she’ll be right back. I wasn’t really interested in her so I went to look for another girl.
68. C<5: Saw a tall hot brunette. Forced my way through the crowd to get to her, but she suddenly started talking to some guy. Creative avoidance. Luckily I saw an even hotter Asian-looking girl sitting on the table. Sex last week. No, but she smiled, said she had a boyfriend. I think I tried running the rest of my stack but she kept telling me she had a boyfriend and very politely told me to fuck off. I told her that I understand, that she's very polite, and I appreciate a woman who tells me politely to fuck off. I left her alone. I didn't think I should have, because our conversation and banter left her smiling, but I have respect for girls who politely and genuinely tell me they want to be left alone.
69. B: Saw a girl with her two friends, trying to squeeze through the human traffic jam. Sex last week, couldn’t hear. Walked away once traffic cleared.
70. B: Dance floor. Sex last week, couldn’t hear. Abridged sex last week, ignored me. Pulled some guy in. I left.
71. C>5: Lights went on. Brad suddenly appeared behind me and told me he’s stalking me or something. Okay, now I definitely have to approach. There was a girl right in front of me. I didn’t think she was that attractive from the back, but at least she was tall. Sex last week, cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She refused to be girlfriend #s 9, 6, 3, or 2. I refused to give her #1 spot. Her friends had to leave, she went with them. Brad told me to go get her number. I went, pulled her aside. Said it was nice chatting with her, she had a sense of humor. Asked if she had e-mail, she said no. I asked if she came from a time machine, she laughed as her friend pulled her away.
72. C>5: On my way out I saw a girl texting by the door. Sex last week. She said I had already asked her friend that last week. Frame stolen! I asked if she looked like her. She said no. Demanded her name. Cat routine, smart tests. She said she really had to look for her friend, whom I supposedly had hit on a few minutes ago. Suddenly her friend showed up and they left. I definitely did not hit on her, liar!
Pretty cool night. I felt less anxiety tonight than I had all week. Damn that mere presence effect. I stacked pretty well. I am adding “do you remember this?” into my cheatsheet and stack, and I’m going to try using it after sex last week. Of course, it’s always cool to hang out with Brad and watch his game.
B: 4 C<5: 1 C>5: 4
These kinds of stats I like. I want everything to be blowouts or conversations over five minutes. To me, conversations less than five minutes just means I ejected. So this is progress!
I read No More Mr. Nice Guy once and now I’m trying to do all the breaking free activities listed in the book. The first activity was to find three safe people. I will publish the activities on this blog that I deem safe for public consumption. Here is the second activity:
Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a compelling reason for him to do so? Why do people try to change who they really are? Take some time and think about this. Is this your behavior or the behavior of someone you know?
People try to hide certain things about themselves because they don’t want others to know. They don’t want others to know because it would change the way others view them. It could change the relationship or even end it. The best way to avoid this is elimination, but some things cannot be changed.
People try to change who they are because they do not think who they are is good. They do not like the way they feel, even though emotions cannot be controlled. They do not like the way they look, they do not like their history, they do not like their failures. They are forever stuck in the denial phase, never fully accepting themselves, yet just by living, they are a constant reminder of their self-perceived shame.
I see this in many men, many of my friends. I used to be like this, and to a certain extent I still am. I may be still very ashamed of myself, I just don’t see it. Introspection is difficult. Whether this is due to emotions getting in the way (I don’t want to see it) or I just can’t see it (it’s normal for me) I can’t tell.
In the past I tried to hide many of my feelings and faults. I’ve had countless crushes on girls and never told them, fearing rejection, believing that I had nothing to offer them. I used to think I was different, not a typical guy, so I tried to hide most typical guy behavior, such as loving sports, cars, women or displaying any sense of machoness. Sports and cars I don’t care for, so that was easy. I still feel uncomfortable sometimes talking about women in “disrespectful” ways, such as talking about how I want to fuck them or other things I want to do to them. When I do talk about it, I am usually doing so in a joking manner, as though I am trying to convince myself, “It’s okay, I’m just joking about fucking a girl in the ass and making her suck her own shit off my dick. I don’t really want to do that.” By making these things a joke, I relieve myself of the guilt of possibly being a pervert, a sexually driven man, or just a human being with wants and needs.
I also generally associate displaying machoness with insecure guys. I try not to think of myself as being insecure, but ironically that’s what it makes me. I should be proud of my masculinity, proud of my muscles and my sex drive. It amused me to act weak so that other guys would prove their machoness and install my air conditioner for me. But it would have felt better if I installed it myself. Whenever I do things myself, I feel proud that I am able to do so. I should not deprive myself of this feeling.
Nowadays, whenever I get strong feelings of reluctance for anything, I try to logically figure out the validity of my reluctance. If the worst thing that can happen is a little embarrassment, I go do it. For example, I was once tired, but there was a ledge right next to a cashier. I wanted to sit there, but didn’t want to because the cashier was right there. Then I figured, the worst that can happen is I would be asked to get up. I wouldn’t get kicked out, banned, or arrested. So I sat, and it felt great. Nothing happened, of course.
Most recently I asked a guy if we had sex last week. Perhaps he would have punched me. Probably not, though. What wound up happening became an amusing story instead.
Of course, there are still many things I fear doing. I still fear jumping into the middle of a circle of girls in a club and dancing with all of them. I still fear talking to a guy and a girl clearly on a date. I still fear touching girls when they haven’t shown any signs of interest. I still fear the awkward silence when I call a girl and run out of things to say. I fear randomly changing topics in a conversation with a stranger, thinking that it’s unnatural. I fear that girls don’t really like me, and if I continue talking to them they might find me boring or weird, so oftentimes I leave the interaction before I get to that point. (“You can’t fire me, I quit!”) I fear letting my parents know how much I am really paying for rent. I fear that telling the whole truth to my parents will cause them agony. I fear letting my parents know my current career plans.
No, not the infamous double flake reversal. Double booked accidentally, but they were timed apart enough that I figured I could get away with it, in case they both came through. No such thing happened.
Hell girl told me yesterday to call her today at 3 to confirm. “Oh, we were supposed to meet today! Sorry I forgot!” How unoriginal. I wound up playing Wii Fit and going for a run (another 3 miles!).
Half-Japanese girl never showed up, and I wound up reading Dracula by myself at the tea shop for 45 minutes.
Mr. S, Nomad, and I went out. Couldn’t get into the first place. Nomad and I walked to the second place. Nomad talked to two girls with a guy. It was quickly determined that he wasn’t either of their boyfriend. Nomad latched onto one, I latched onto the other. I interacted with the guy a few times, since I was winging him. The girl was hot but way too drunk to pass smart tests. Cat routine, but she said she doesn’t shed, I can pull as hard as I want. I yanked her hair but I couldn’t go for a kiss. Talk came dangerously close to being platonic: I almost asked her where she’s from. I did spank her once I got the excuse to call her a bad girl. In retrospect I should have did palm reading or something more emotional and physical than verbal. We tried to get them into a bar where I knew the door guy and the bartender, but the door guy said she was too drunk. The guy friend got pissed, pulled my girl away and accused her of drinking too much and fucking things up. Totally ruined the mood. I tried to calm things down, but they eventually went home.
Lots of anxiety throughout the night.
62. C<5: Saw two Asian girls at the bar. Sex last week, no it wasn't her but they loved it. Creatively ejected because they were Asian.
63. B: Saw a girl at the bar, sex last week. No it wasn’t her. Then she told me, “I think you should walk away now.” I responded, “No, I like it here. The ambiance is great.” She left.
Anxiety for the rest of the night as well.
For some reason I was really tired tonight. Maybe all the running, maybe all the flaking. Bleh. Well, for the girls I did talk to, the first one loved me and the second one I stood my ground. Gotta approach more though.
Had lunch with an old friend. Ran pretty much no routines, sat across from her. She has a boyfriend and is part of our social circle and other reasons. Still, I declared that I was high maintenance and had fun with her. She looked like she didn’t want to part ways at the end of lunch.
I made some phone calls, reconnected with Hell girl, talked to two girls I met last night, but could not reach German girl. Oh well.
Worked with some people toward becoming a promoter. Got in for free.
49. C<5: Two girls standing by themselves, sex last week, no, eject.
50. B: Tall girl with a wedding band, sex last week, no, but that’s a really good line, left.
Nomad arrived but had to pay $20. Sorry!
51. B: Four girls standing outside the women’s room. Sex last week. Friend shoves me, then sincerely apologized and said, “Sorry that’s my friend.”
We decided to play a game: we were standing right outside the women’s bathroom, so we would take turns opening every girl that came out.
52. C<5: British girl, sex last week, not her, she's got a boyfriend, cat routine, she's got a boyfriend, 8 girlfriends, she's got a boyfriend. She left.
53. C<5: Black girl, sex last week, yes it's her, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, she's no longer interested and left.
54. C>5: Girl by the bar that Nomad saw was looking a me. Sex last week, no, it wasn’t her. Smart tests, smart/hot/rich, blender. She suddenly went back to the opener for a long time, all while I was caressing the bare side of her back. Verbally she was trying to blow me out, saying it’s not her and her boyfriend’s right there, commanding me to look. I refused to look, saying she’d just disappear like last week, and then I demanded my wallet back. She eventually walked away. In retrospect I should have did what I did with the girl last night, asking if she remembered the various things I did (slow dance, hair tug, kiss).
55 – 60. B: Girls walked right past me, or were pulled by their friends to continue walking, or were disgusted by sex last week.
61. C<5: Tall girl looking around. Sex last week, "Oh I look like her? Were you here last week? What was her name?" Worked a little too well. Too bad her boyfriend came in a few minutes later.
It was really difficult to be authoritative tonight. I usually do sex last week really fast because the speed of my talking overcomes the girls’ objections, and many times they wind up agreeing that it was her. Tonight, the music was really loud so the speed talking was undecipherable. I had to repeat myself multiple times, which loses the effect of the opener.
I had strong bouts of anxiety for specific things. I wanted to do the dance floor opener (jump in the middle of a circle) but I couldn’t. I wanted to talk to a specific girl on the street but after delaying for about 15 minutes, I finally walked away. Strange.
Overall the two of us opened a lot of sets, though they didn’t stick. I kept to the formula even though I doubted it would work in this environment, which may have been a bad idea. Well, next time I’ll try a more physical, less verbal opener. I also stayed in and kept touching this girl even though she was verbally telling me it wasn’t her. Oh, and I managed to double book tomorrow with two dates. I don’t know how things are going to end up; hopefully it will not end up with me having two flakes.
One thing of note is that my repertoire was fine tonight, and my authoritativeness was about right. But my voice projection and talking speed were off. And in a loud environment like this, more physical dialogue would have been more appropriate.
Texted the German girl in the morning before she got off work, to remind her we have a date. No response. Flake sense tingling!
At 5, I called her, phone rang a few times, no response. I texted her, saying she’d better wake up or I’m going with plan b. No response until 8, when she texted me back saying her phone was not charged (then why did it ring a few times?) and asked to meet up tomorrow. I texted back okay but she’d better make it up to me, she’s losing points. No response yet.
Took a nap. Flakes knock me out.
40. C<5: Went out with Nomad. College frat bar. Nobody really there. Two girls by the bar. Sex last week, no it's not them, eject.
41. B: Blowout of the night. Hahaha that was kinda funny, in retrospect. It was harsh, but that’s okay, the rest of the night was good. Back to the story. We went into a new bar we’ve never been in before. Pretty dead. I saw two girls walking out of the bathroom, the one in front was hotter. Sex last week. “No, it wasn’t me. I don’t fuck Asians, <blahblahblah, something racist I couldn’t decipher>.” She went back to her boyfriend, told him what I asked her. He looked at me sternly, but he wasn’t going to do anything. I walked away, she yelled at me, “Yeah you’d better walk away!” Nomad was chatting with the group, apparently the other friend loved him. Nomad and the boyfriend were talking really seriously. I wasn’t sure if the bf was threatening Nomad, so I walked up right behind Nomad in case things got rough. We left. Nomad told me that the bf told me my pickup line was weak.
42. C<5: We went to the next bar. To prove how weak "sex last week" was, Nomad told me to open the guy with two girls with it. Sex last week. The whole group loved it, the guy played along the whole time. Instantly opened the group. I talked to the hotter girl a little, but the guy moved to the other side of her and she ignored me. Nomad was still talking to the other girl, so I chatted a little but eventually ejected. Though it's more of a blowout, since no one was talking to me at that point.
43. C>5 P: I saw a girl sitting by herself. Horse girl, cat, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, tour guide. We chatted about bartending, snowboarding. Her friends were dancing the whole time, so it was difficult for me to engage them. Eventually they tried to get her to dance. I got her number before she left.
44. C>5 P: We went to another bar. The usual door guy wasn’t there, so they checked our IDs. This was looking at my ID. As soon as I put it away, she said something, then asked me for my name. I challenged her, saying she already saw it. She complimented me on my hair. I touched her hair, got her name, cat routine. She laughed and said not to compare her to a cat. We started talking about hair, which gave me a great excuse to play with her hair the whole time. Smart tests, smart/hot/rich, tour guide. Her friends left the bar, so she told me she had to go. Before I could ask her for her number, she told me to take her number so she could give me tours. Sweet.
45. B: Two girls walking down the street. We walked past them first, then I followed her and opened from behind. It scared her. Before I could even say anything, she said she had to go to the taxi, so I walked with her as I delivered sex last week. Not her, but she laughed. Too bad.
46. C<5: 1:30, the bars were starting to close. Crowds were forming outside different places. We walked past two girls outside. I walked back, sex last week. She laughed and said no it's not her. I sternly said I am so embarrassed, then demanded her name. Got it. I started smart tests, but didn't finish. Wound up just chatting a bit, asked how the venue was. I chatted with the friend a little, talked about handicrafts with the friend. A dude came by and took them away.
47. C>5: Drove to another bar. Three girls standing near a heat lamp. Sex last week, no, she’s from out of town. Improvised tour guide, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She mentioned a boyfriend but I kept the conversation going. The girl mentioned something about psychic powers, I asked if she’s psychic. She said she was, and that she sometimes has the same dreams as her sister. I said, “So if we make out, will your sister get all horny?” She said, “No, I don’t think that’s going to happen.” I said, “Well, we’ll just have to find out, huh?” In retrospect I should have made a move right there, but I didn’t. I felt that she was giving me the cold shoulder somewhat. Oh well.
48. C>5 P: I found Nomad talking to some dude in camo who he had met on Hell night. Camo guy introduced him to a girl, she said she doesn’t really recognize him from Hell. She asked if she knew me, I said yeah! and hugged her. She said bullshit, and asked for her name. I randomly picked a popular girl’s name, and her friends behind her said, “Busted!” She felt bad, said she doesn’t remember me. Asked my name, Brad Pitt, transitioned to smart tests, smart/hot/rich but didn’t finish it. She kept saying she doesn’t remember me, I asked if she remembered this, and slow danced with her. Do you remember this, and pulled her hair to make her look up. Do you remember this, and kissed her. We hugged, chatted, she kept saying she doesn’t remember me and felt like an asshole. I figured the logistics weren’t very good, so I told her we can reconnect over tea. Got her number. Nomad was going to go, so left her. She instantly went to the camo guy and I heard him say, “You forgot you were my girlfriend?” We continued talking to the girl’s sister and some other dude in the group until we were kicked out of the bar.
It was a pretty fun night. Two strange number closes, one make out in front of her boyfriend, and my first racist blowout. I’m kind of glad the German girl flaked on me, haha.
Yesterday my dad told me a story: A long time ago, the head of a family gave each of his family members a chopstick. He told them to break them. Each chopstick was broken easily. He then put a bundle of chopsticks together, and told them to try breaking them. No one could break them all at once.
My dad then asked me what the moral of the story was. I told him, “If we can’t break all the chopsticks at once, we can break them one at a time.”
He said, “No! It’s that a family that sticks together is unbreakable!”
We had a good laugh about it, but I understood his view. It is interesting how we interpreted the same story differently.
Started late again. In the interests of saving money, I decided to walk along the local rock clubs. Unfortunately I did not open anything.
Drove to another rocker club, which I was starting to dislike because I worried that the same people would be there and it was loud and blahblahblah. Yes, creative avoidance, I see you. But it was free entrance, and surprisingly the bouncer recognized me. So I guess I won’t have trouble getting in anymore.
38. C<5: Saw a girl standing by the bathroom by herself. Sex last week, she cracked up. Demanded her name, she gave it. I gave mine. She questioned if it was my real name, because lots of Asians don't have Americanized names. I questioned if her name was real. Some guy came out of the bathroom, she immediately tells him about sex last week. I played along for a bit. I lost momentum. Both of them gravely stared at me. I called them out on it, saying it's as though I have a tentacle coming out of my head. The band started playing Bulls on Parade, which was infinitely more interesting than the stares I was getting, so I left them and rocked out.
39. C>5 P: Saw a tall girl with lip piercings by herself, sex last week. Completely unreactive. She said she didn’t know me. Cat routine, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She agreed to be my girlfriend #9. We talked about snowboarding; she was a snowboarding instructor as well, and gave me her number so we could go together. I asked if she had other piercings, she pointed to her left nipple, which I then touched and said, “Nice.” We talked some more, she said she had to meet some friends, told me to text her. We hugged, and I went for a kiss. It almost missed, but I recovered. We made out for a while, she left.
Later I walked around and ran into her again. I accused her of following me around.
I walked around and ran into her again, and said, “Now you’re definitely following me around!” She said she was going to the bathroom, I refused to believe it. Grabbed her, made out. I stopped and told her to go to the bathroom. She said we’ll continue later. I walked away to watch the band but within range so she could see me when she got out.
She came out, I asked her if she knew where to get cotton candy. She couldn’t hear me. I took her hand and pulled her out of the venue. Once outside, she asked what I said, I used the cotton candy opener. She said if I were hungry we could go to a diner, which I agreed. But she said it was still early and she wanted to rock some more. Okay, 45 more minutes. We went back in.
Made out next to the bar. I found out she walked here and she has three roommates here. My plan was to isolate her as long as possible. I said let’s go somewhere where we can hear each other. I pulled her to a quiet seated area. We chatted, shared identity stories. After she described some cool stuff I told her she looked so hot and made out some more. I did this several times until the staff kicked us out. By then her roommates were nowhere to be found. I said I’m parked right around the corner, let’s go to the diner.
We drove to the diner. I chose a booth so we could sit next to each other. She actually suggested that we sit side by side. We chatted, made out, repeat. I mentioned the projector at our place and a movie that I supposedly hadn’t watched yet. Actually, it’s been so long I have forgotten it. I said I really want to watch it tonight, now that she mentioned it, but she said she had work in the morning. I said she has to check out the projector, it’s awesome.
She didn’t have any money, but she assured me that she would pay me back as soon as she got money from her parents next week. I told her okay, she owes me a dinner.
We got to the car, she asked if I knew how to drive to her place, I said let me show you the projector real quick. She said we could see it tomorrow when we watch the movie, unless I really wanted to. I reiterated that the projector’s awesome, it’s two blocks away, let’s go. So we went.
Once we got to the house I introduced her to the bar. I didn’t offer her a drink. Stupid. Anyway, we got to the living room. I showed her the bean bag chair and threw her on it, then landed next to it. We enjoyed it for a few seconds before I landed on top of her.
As I was escalating I realized I should have tried to get her to take her boots off. They would be impossible for me to take off quickly. Still, we made out and I grabbed her all over for about an hour. She kept saying, “You’ve got three weeks, no need to rush, you’ll see me, if you wish.” I’m surprised she kept saying, “you’ll see me, if you wish”. She said she used to be fat so I guess that low self esteem stayed somewhat. I couldn’t get her thick stockings off, and every time I tried to finger her she grabbed my hand. Oh well.
We made plans to meet tomorrow after she gets off work, showers, and takes a nap. I texted her after I dropped her off to make sure she didn’t give me a fake number. Yes, very late, but she texted me back immediately.
Ugh, I only did two approaches. =P
Being authoritative by acting pissed off is working well for me. I’ve been approaching less because acting like I’m pissed off lowers my state, so I need to manage my state like this: be happy and in the moment, and when I see a girl I want to approach, become pissed off, sex last week, stack. Tweaking my own emotions is interesting.
Financially speaking, if you are poor and wish to become rich, you must first eliminate debt.
Likewise, I’ve wasted so much time in my life I feel like I’m in debt. My goal is to get healthy and be financially free. I’ve been figuring out ways to curb my spending (shop smarter, buying in bulk, getting food in season) and work out for free (free yoga, running, push-ups) or have one-time costs (home gyms, Wii Fit).
Before I can go on grand adventures I feel that I must improve my body and leave behind the detrimental effects of 9-to-5 jobs. I must use my time to figure out how to live longer, feel better, and have more time in general. At that point, I can do what I want.
It’s weird, I don’t actually know what I want to do. I just know that whatever it is, I will need certain ingredients. Social skills are one, time is another. Money, not so much.
Hell girl was supposed to meet me this morning at 11 a.m., so I set my alarm for 10:30, so my body felt like it was waking up at 9:30 a.m. Keep in mind my normal waking hour is 2 p.m.
10:30 I texted her and fell back asleep.
2:00 p.m. I called her. No response.
I went about my day, recruiting new victims into the raw vegan cult. Tasty but expensive work. Alas, Mr. S loves cooked food too much.
The time change and early flake took its toll on me. I passed out until 10:30.
I woke up and wasted some time. Finally I got out the door at midnight.
Walked around the neighborhood. I passed by the drummer from approach #22. We looked into each others’ eyes, I said “Hi” and touched her shoulder as I passed her. I should have stayed in, but I was on the phone. Creative avoidance rocks!
Walked back to the house. Drove to the bar area. Creatively avoided everything.
Drove back to the house. Determined not to end the night without even a single approach, I walked around the neighborhood again.
37. C>5: I saw a girl taking a smoke break outside a porn shop. With authoritativeness to the point of being pissed off, I did sex last week. Not her. I demanded her name. Got it, but did not run cat routine. Smart test, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She can’t be my girlfriend, or anyone else’s, she’s gay and just got out of a bad relationship. We talked about traveling, snowboarding, my raw vegan diet, music. She was closing up, moving tables and chairs indoor. I followed her around to continue the conversation, but in retrospect that made me seem needy. I started the yes ladder, “You know, it was cool talking to you. We should have tea sometime.” She controlled the frame and said, “Yeah, we have tea, coffee, smoothies, all kinds of drinks,” and continued on and on. I complimented that she’s a good salesperson. Things were awkward with her coworker waiting for her at the door to lug the table in, so I said bye and left.
I did not eject, though I could have done more approaches. The major thing I did tonight was to remember to be authoritative. I realize that I have not been authoritative enough, so I went to the other extreme and was authoritative to the point of being pissed off, and it worked. It also helped me control the frame and not eject.
26. C<5: The promoter took us to a rooftop bar tonight. He asked us to get some girls to improve the ratio. I saw four girls, just used weak situational stuff, got weak feedback of course.
27. C<5: I saw three girls, horse girl, did not like it, eject. Ugh.
Later Dylan grabbed the three girls into our group. The promoter told them to say they’re on his list. Their response to the guy getting them in: “But I’m not on your list.” *sigh* It makes me angry that there are such dumb people in the world.
28. C<5: Up at the roof. Saw a girl standing by herself, sex last week. Spanish routine, didn't get an awesome response. I think I'm going to stick this near the end of the stack, it doesn't generate much attraction. Got her name, but too nervous. Ejected.
29. B: Another girl standing by herself, sex last week. She smiled and said it wasn’t her then walked away.
30. C>5: Two girls sitting on a couch, sex last week, smart tests, smart/hot/rich. She wasn’t smart, hot, and rich, but she had an awesome personality according to her. I told her, “Okay, you have three seconds to win me over. Go.” Her response was, “Well you walked over here, I don’t have to win you over.” I did cold reads, “Is she always this feisty?” They loved it. I didn’t interact with the friend too much, so I tried to pull her in by cold reading her: “You’re so quiet, are you having a text war? You seem to be staring so intensely into your phone.” Two of their friends came over. I entertained them all for a few more minutes, then I was done. Brain fart. I just stood there as the girl said a few times, “I need a drink,” but I refused to walk away and I refused to reposition myself to let them walk by. Eventually they walked around me. The addition of two more girls overwhelmed me. In my mind, I knew I should have done something, anything, but nope. Nothing came out.
31. C>5 P: I chatted with one of the girls who came in with us, if anything for social proof. I wasn’t sure if she were the promoter’s girl, so I didn’t game her hard at first. As I got to know her I realized she wasn’t, so I touched her more. We were talking very platonic things. I tried running smart tests on her, but she didn’t like it, saying there’s all kinds of intelligence. She blabbed on for a few minutes, until finally she jumped through my hoop and said, “16″. I did only “smart” out of smart/hot/rich. I think I was intimidated because she was a model and well traveled. I mentioned snowboarding and how we need to go sometime, she immediately took my number. Bleh, very platonic. Eventually what little attraction I had was fizzled, and I lost her. I also figured out the logistics: she was a floater, having driven by herself here. Too bad I physically lost her. She was nowhere to be found for the rest of the night.
I did absolutely nothing for a while.
Apparently there was a dance club in the basement. We went to check it out.
32. C<5: Saw two Asians getting drinks. Sex last week, sorry, not them. Did not follow up with anything, eject.
33. B: Saw a white chick standing near a table of Asians. Sex last week, disgusted.
We went back upstairs. Too loud, too many Asians.
34. C<5: Saw a girl sitting in a tiny booth by herself, with bottle service. Sat in what little space she had left, horse girl. She called me out on the it, but I held my frame and continued until she forgave me. Smart tests. She said several times that her boyfriend would be back, he paid for all the bottle service and blahblahblah. She seemed very stern about it the last time, so I very sternly said, "Okay. I understand. It was nice chatting with you." We exchanged names, shook hands, and I left.
35. C<5: Two girls tried to walk by me, one poked me on the chest with her cell, then apologized. I grabbed her hand and sternly said, "That is not okay." Turned to her friend, put my arm around her, "Is she always this abusive?" Laughed a little, then sex last week to her friend. They laughed, but walked away.
36. B: Saw two girls walking down the street. Horse girl, but the other girl already heard it. “Okay, I’ve got another one.” Sex last week, fumbled. The light changed, they walked away laughing.
It’s weird. I get it into my head that I will never see any of these people ever again, unless I pull a girl, so I start approaching with no fear. Then after two or three approaches in a row, I feel complacent and stop, so my state doesn’t go through the roof. I still worry about what others think of me when I approach, which is not good. But I insisted on doing sex last week, which proved to me that it works well, I just need to hold my frame and follow through with it.
Ejection is still a glaring issue.
Cool night, though. We went to a new place, which had a very nice ratio for about two hours. The girls were not all super hot, but the bar was definitely raised.
21. C<5: Saw two girls smoking outside a bar. Horse girl. Friend immediately interrupts, saying she hates horses, likes ponies instead. I lost track of where I was in the opener, but I still stayed in. I made futile attempts to continue the conversation but eventually they were told to smoke somewhere else and walked away. I didn't follow.
22. C>5: I saw a girl leaning against the wall, horse girl. I don’t finish, but that’s okay. We chat very boring stuff. I tried out my Spanish routine, didn’t go so well. Gotta work on it some more. Still, she was friendly. A guy came in almost immediately, we introduced ourselves. Dylan winged me and pulled him away. In the end we were both invited to watch their band play.
Dylan was tired, so I went solo to the dance club.
I got in for free. I heard that cover was $25, yikes! Even though I didn’t pay cover, I felt like I needed to do something. I didn’t open anything, so I just danced for a bit. Eventually I left.
23. B: I walked into another bar. Saw a girl getting her purse to leave. Sex last week, she was disgusted and walked away.
24. C<5: I walked into another bar. Saw a girl getting a drink, sex last week. She didn't hate it, but it was weakly delivered. She invited to watch her DJ, she said she'd hook me up on Sunday. Maybe I'll bring my date there.
25. C<5: I went to another bar. Saw a girl sitting by herself, her friend and a guy were busy chatting. I sat next to her, sex last week. She loved it, asked if I were Asian. I said yes, asked if she were too. She said yes. She asked what I was, I told her, she said she was Japanese. I told her we couldn't get along. She was disappointed too, she wanted to chat in Japanese to me. I started spouting some Japanese I knew. Eventually she wanted to dance and left. I shouldn't have answered her questions so straightforwardly. She had a boyfriend, but I could tell she was attracted by the way she started leaning her legs into me. Oh well. I feel like I haven't gone out alone in a while. I should approach more, there were a lot of girls I creatively avoided. Tonight was a good refresher that I can still do it alone.
I called pretty much every girl on my list. One picked up and excused herself because she was about to watch her friend at a concert. No others picked up. I also cleaned up a few numbers that were clearly not real, from the voice mail.
Normally I text first, but I really needed to get over my phone anxiety. This helped, but I wish more girls picked up the phone. Oh well, I need fresh numbers anyway.
I texted Hell girl yesterday with “hi”, no response. Weird. I texted her again today with a comment about my hair. An hour later she responded with, “I can’t wait to see it!” Good! I was getting worried that something happened that scared her off. Damn this scarcity mentality.
I called her up a few minutes later, we chatted. Conversation was getting boring, so I threw in the Disney opener, which she spun into “which Disney character would you fuck?” Pretty cool, maybe I’ll start using the Disney opener with that as a followup.
She brought up meeting up Sunday. I foolishly asked if her car could make it, which made her question it. Then she decided she’s going to do it anyway. Crisis averted! I became more authoritative, saying, “You said you have a whole bunch of different outfits, but I haven’t seen them yet. I don’t know if they exist!”, then following up with, “Okay, since we’re taking pictures, bring a few outfits. It’ll be fun!” Since she was doing all that, I also told her to bring something waterproof so we can try out our hot tub. I know this girl likes to play dress-up, so that was easy.
Today I was not feeling well. I did not leave the house at all. Instead I did what Brad told me to do: call girls.
I texted each girl’s number I had, and when the texted me back I called them. Only one picked up, and only for a few minutes, but I did it. I was still feeling ill, so I called my ex in New York and just chatted with her for over an hour. Gradually I felt better and tried to make guacamole to go with the jalapeno chips Nomad made. Unfortunately the avocados were bad.
I went back to my computer and started carpet bombing an online dating site and my Facebook account, to find girls to talk to on the phone even when I do not go out.
I did no approaches, but I felt much better about the phone.
I drove out to where Hell girl lives, which is an hour away, but with traffic it took two hours. I picked her up at her house. Her parents wanted to meet me. That’s okay, parents usually love me. I met them, they loved me of course. Still, this relationship is moving pretty fast.
Next we had dinner. I ate a garden burger with the bun replaced with lettuce, and picked out all the fresh veggies out of the taco salad. I’m assuming the garden burger was uncooked. Nomad would not.
She then notifies me that we’re meeting up with her friends at a local club, and that I’ll love it. I couldn’t think of a way to get her to tell her friends to not meet us there, so in we went. It was a gay bar. I picked up two of her friends and met two others at the bar. I tried to give a good impression, because I’m sure I was being evaluated by everyone, so I tried my best to be friendly. I succeeded.
At the club I walked by this tall, hot girl who kept giving me the fuck-me eye. Unfortunately I was on a date, and a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I passed by her three times without opening her, and she eye-fucked me three times without real-fucking me. Oh well.
At the club, I got over my kiss anxiety and just kissed her on the lips, in front of her friends. By this point they already approve and expect this of me. We made out many times throughout the night, I physically escalated her as best I could, grabbing her ass, her boobs, putting my hands under her shirt. When she gave resistance I backed off and restarted. Several times I told her, “No more! Bad girl!” *spank* She kept saying I was sexy and cute.
Unfortunately after I dropped off her friends and took her back home, she wouldn’t let me escalate further. This was probably because I parked right in front of her parents’ house. She also said, “gotta save some, or else there won’t be a next time”, to which I responded, “oh, there’s definitely going to be a next time.” I don’t think that was the best thing to say.
I tried to use the pretense of seeing her cats to get into her RV (yeah, she lives in an RV outside her parents’ house) but she only opened the door enough to let the cats walk to the edge and let me pet them. I should have tried harder, but at this point I already gave up the battle, and left things up to the next date.
Finally, a date in LA! Next time she’ll be coming to my place. I hope that with much better logistics, I’ll be able to seal the deal.
19. C>5: Had some creative avoidance earlier in the day. Then I saw a girl sitting by herself. I sat down next to her, horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. She qualified herself a lot, we related about New York and snowboarding. It started raining so I got her number. In retrospect I should have hung out until she had to go to work. Still, it seems solid.
20. C>5: I saw a girl sitting on the floor by herself, sat right next to her. Horse girl, smart tests, smart/hot/rich, ended with me saying, “I’m high maintenance, so the next time I see you you have to get me a gift,” to which she responded, “I don’t like high maintenance, I am a very relaxed person.” I changed the subject, we shared identity stories. Cat routine. I got her number. She looked very similar to Mila Kunis, I had to Google her to make sure they didn’t have the same name. Unfortunately, no. =( Anyway, she’s like, super smart, very traveled. I’m a little intimidated by her confidence, but she’s just a girl.
Alright, now I’m off to my date. Originally I was going to meet her here, but she said her car is too old to drive over, and instead offered for me to go meet her at her place (over an hour away) and she’ll treat me to dinner. Logistically she lives with her parents, but she’s also 32 so that shouldn’t be a problem. Well, free dinner, I guess. Let’s hope she has something good for raw vegans.
I texted a girl back and forth a few times, called her three times but she only picked up the first time. I’ll back off for now.
I called the Hell girl, she’s definitely attracted. She talked a lot, I inserted funny comments and stories here and there, we made plans to meet up tomorrow night.
16. B: Dylan and I were walking around the area, but it was pretty much all dead. I saw a girl walking by, mid-horse girl she stopped me twice, telling me she has to go home and sleep for school. I let her go, I didn’t want to be an asshole. In retrospect I should have tried for a number anyway.
Nothing. Completely dead. We decided to go back to get our cars, everything else was too far to walk to.
17. C<5: We drove to the local bars. I saw a girl at an ATM in the bar, sex last week. She laughed but walked away.
Dylan talked to two girls at the bar, but they weren’t having it. He suggested we leave, but I saw one last girl with potential at the bar, with a big dude.
18. C>5 P: Horse girl, she immediately interrupts asking my ethnicity. I tell her, and purposefully misguess hers, which she agrees with. Then I continued horse girl. Brad Pitt, which she doesn’t believe so I transition into smart tests, and get into smart/hot/rich but I don’t finish it. 8 girlfriends, she said something about praying all day. Dylan wings me. The girl seems very interested in our names and whether we’re “together”. I casually said, “Yeah, we’re together,” almost as though I don’t get what “together” meant. Confusion game! We swap, I talked to the friend for a bit. I highly suspected he’s gay, but eventually he left me alone. The whole time the girl was very physical with me, just from her steel grip on my arm when I first opened her, so I knew I could reciprocate. She tried to get my number, I said, “Nah, I don’t give out my number. Give me yours, and I’ll call you, if you’re lucky.” She shook her head, so I grabbed her head and made her nod. She said, “You can’t grab a Japanese girl’s head,” so I said, “Yeah, what about pulling hair?” and pulled her in by the waist, then pulling her hair. I should have kissed her right there, but she sprang free. Then I whispered into her ear, “What about whispering into your ear?” all while we held each other close by our waists. Eventually I said I’ve never kissed a Japanese girl before, and went for a kiss, but she turned her head and said she’s not that easy. She mentioned that she doesn’t have her phone, so I said I’ll call her and she’ll have my number, then asked what her number was and stared at my phone. She gave it. I saved it, then dialed it, and when her voicemail came I put her on the phone to leave a funky message. Her friends and she left to go to another bar, I stayed behind with Dylan. In retrospect I should have followed her to the other bar, her friends seemed really cool about me hooking up with her, but I didn’t want to follow her friends around. I need to stop being content with a number and go further. For all I know she gave me some random number and left a message to a stranger.
It was good to end the night with a number and physically escalating with girls like that. I wish there were more girls ot tonight, but we definitely worked with what we had. I need to push harder in the future.
Nomad and I went to a raw food restaurant and ate way too much. It was near an outdoor mall, so we walked around to digest and to socialize.
7. C<5: Went into the bookstore because it was cold and I needed to warm up. Saw a girl by herself, horse girl. Ejected after.
8. C<5: Saw another girl near the first. I didn't want to use the same opener. Sex last week. I apologized for the confusion, she said it's okay, it's a compliment. I ejected. Finally recovered from last night's nervousness.
9. C<5: I saw a store clerk. Horse girl. She was not as pretty as I thought she was at first, but what the hell. Her coworker came by. Unable to withstand the social pressure, I left after getting the apology.
10. B: We left the bookstore. I saw a girl walking down the street. Horse girl. She said it was rude, I tried to absurdify by saying it’s totally rude, then continuing, but she cut me off by saying, “No, I meant what you’re saying is really rude. Walk away.” Bleh, I didn’t need this. I left.
11. C<5: I saw an Asian girl looking at a map. Do you like horses? No, she did not know what a "horse" was, she didn't speak English.
12. C<5: I saw a girl pulling a hand rack full of stuff. Horse girl, no, not her, walked off.
13. C<5: We went to a few women's cosmetics/clothing stores. Two girls shopping for clothes. Sex last week, they laughed and said it's not them.
14. B: Older woman by herself, horse girl. As she was telling me she didn’t like horses, she walked away.
15. C>5: I saw a girl trying to collect donations for children. She solicited me, but before she could get anything out I did sex last week. She asked what I was doing, I told her I’m getting fresh air and digesting, then said that she’s of course trying to get my money. She gave me her whole spiel, then I said: Me: It’s too bad we didn’t have sex last week, I would have been more likely to donate if I knew you better. Her: You don’t necessarily know someone after having sex with them. Me: I’d know how good they were in bed, at least. I mean, I don’t know how good you are in bed at all! Her: I’m very good in bed. Me: Well, that’s good. Listen, I’m having tryouts next week. Her: Tryouts for what? Me: Tryouts for people good in bed. You should come. It’s disguised as a BBQ. <We chat about how we put sauce all over people’s bodies, et cetera.> Me: I’ll text you the location when I figure it out. Her: No, I can’t do that. I’m working, it’s seriously. We chatted some more, but she doesn’t budge. Oh well, I tried.
On the car ride back I texted one of my girls if she spoke Spanish, because I wanted to test out a new identity story of mine. She replied yes, but she didn’t pick up when I called. Oh well.
After the phone calls, I was a wreck. Still, I had to go out, especially since I made plans to meet up with a girl. No one else was going, so I went solo.
Got there early, the place was empty except for the main band area. I usually think it is too loud, so I didn’t talk to anyone. I walked around the venue. I contemplated not texting the girl, thinking it’d be too needy, but if she didn’t know I was there and we never ran into each other, that’s even worse. So I texted her, “im here”. She texted me back that she’d be there in 10.
Saw two girls standing by themselves. Horse girl. Eject.
I saw two girls ordering drinks. Horse girl, they loved it. Tour guide, but I left out the punchline. They said they never went upstairs, so I led them upstairs. I had spurts of amusing talk, but mostly it was lame conversation. At one point the blonde grabbed me by the waist to pull me in, so I naturally put my arm around her back, but we just stayed there and watched from the balcony and didn’t do anything. *sigh* Eventually we went downstairs, when I ran into my date.
My date was with two friends. We almost didn’t recognize each other. We introduced each other to the other friends. I asked if they had sang at the karaoke. Very pathetic small talk. Eventually one of their friends left, and my date said she had to look for her friend and excused herself.
Girl at the bar. Sex last week. She laughed, said it wasn’t her. Of course I eject at such resistance.
Going solo was really hard. Also my mood was affected by the phone calls I made earlier. I think the girls I took upstairs were interested in getting laid that night, she kept giving me the grip of death every time she touched me. Also the sex last week girl was definitely down for more. At least I pushed through my anxiety and did something. Gotta carpet bomb again!
Ugh, I hate the phone. Everyone in the house knows it, I know it. I need to get more comfortable with it, which means I need to call more. Which I am not looking forward to.
Brad just made me mass text all my girls. I called each respondent back, got one date on Sunday, one meet-up tonight, and a “I’ll call you tomorrow to set up plans”. I’m still a mess.
According to Brad, he’s seen it all. But he hasn’t seen such phone anxiety before. So, guinea pig! Now I need to find girls to talk to regularly. Not necessarily girls who want to meet up, just girls to talk to, who like to talk. That should get me over my anxiety a little.
I met up with a hacker friend. As is our custom, we woke up at 1 p.m. and started drinking at 3 p.m. Oops, forgot that raw vegans shouldn’t be drinking margaritas and having Guinness. Oh well.
Drunk horse girl. She denied being the horse girl twice but still thought it was funny until I said, “Okay, I’m pretty sure it’s not you, but just in case it is, I need to say I’m sorry.” Suddenly she was pissed! Don’t know why, but I was done waiting for the bathroom and went in.
I saw two girls smoking against the fence. Drunk horse girl. In the middle, a guy walked over. I ejected after getting the hug. As I walked away, I heard one of the girls say, “Thank God you came over.”
I called Nomad, telling him I don’t know what to do because I needed to sober up so I could drive home but I couldn’t figure out what to eat, since I usually ate carbs to sober up. He told me carbs don’t help, which could be a complete lie but I believed him anyway. We went to a raw restaurant. I ordered no cheese no nachos nachos, which were more delicious than real nachos.
I drove home after sobering up, but had a really bad hangover until 3 or 4 a.m. I decided to try eject as much alcohol as possible out of my body, so I puked my $15 no cheese no nachos nachos up. Hangover was soon gone, surprisingly, and I finally went to sleep.
We started off with some mall game. Horse girled here and there, didn’t follow up with anything.
We decided to each have only one opener and carpet bomb the bar. Mr. S had horse girl, so I switched to sex last week. I needed practice anyway. I opened about 15 girls with it, with each delivery getting better. Of note:
One girl said she was, but she was sitting on the arm of a couch. She then said she was pregnant, which I said, “Oh man that was fast!” I assured her that I am very rich, that I own four tennis courts and have the US Open in my back yard (courtesy of Dylan). Then I ran smart/hot/rich, 8 girlfriends. Eventually she got tired of this and backturned me.
One girl said it wasn’t her, but stayed around. Her friend complimented me on my ring, then asked if I were gay. I wanted to say, “I’ll show you how gay I am,” and kiss her, but she had a dude right behind her, holding her like a boyfriend would. Instead I said, “Yes, totally,” to which she asked me to dance. Again, with the guy there, it was very strange. Eventually I let them go.
Two girls at the bar, sex last week, one girl’s cracking up and said it’s really good, and that she had never heard it before. She asked her friend if she had ever heard of it, her friend said yes. I said yeah, it’s totally unoriginal and continued with the opener. Then I tried the cat routine, which she said I should have stopped at “What’s your name?” I said, okay, we can have normal talk, and proceeded to ask about the weather and do you come here often and what do you do? She told me she worked somewhere, then asked me the same. I did the George Costanza thing, “I’m unemployed and live with my parents.” They didn’t get the joke and left. Fucking hilarious.
Saw a tall girl on line for the bathroom. I was about to approach when a guy and girl got right between me and her. I forced myself through, then sex last week, probably ran my standard stack on her. She pointed to a guy and told him to come in, then introduced him as her boyfriend. I looked him in the eye, said, “You guys make a cute couple. How long have you been together?” They look at each other, he said, “Four years, three and a half, something like that.” I knew he was bullshitting but I wanted to push it farther, so I said, “Dude, I have to say, I’m sorry but I slept with your girlfriend last week.” He said, “It’s okay, she’s a good girl.” I agreed, “Yeah, she’s really good. You should have been there!” I had fun messing with him, but since she didn’t like me, I decided to leave. I probably should have continued gaming her instead, since I was clearly not buying her bullshit.
I saw a girl standing by herself at the parking lot. Sex last week. As soon as I asked, she immediately said, “Yes, we did.” I continued with the opener, then in the same rapid pace ran smart tests, which she said she wasn’t smart. So I said, “Let’s see how dumb you are. What’s 4 times 4?” She answered 12. I said, “That’s awesome, I only like dumb, hot, and rich girls. I like dumb girls because they’ve got low self esteem,” and the rest of smart/hot/rich. She said she’s not rich, I continued on. Eventually her ride came and she backturned me.
Nomad’s the man. He pulled two girls at a diner into our table. We ate, I was very cautious about not AMOGing him, but I did run Brad Pitt on the girls and shared my identity (snowboarding, travel). When we were done eating it turned out that Nomad didn’t get their numbers, so followed them. I found them smoking outside their car, I told them it was cool talking to them, and asked when they were going to be in town again. The Japanese girl said, “mayo”, which I assumed was May. We laughed about it, but then I took her e-mail. Then I yes-laddered to getting her number by saying, “Give me your number, too, I like to text.” I stared at my phone, ready to enter the number, and she hesitated. I teased her, “You know how to text, right?”, and she laughed and said yes, so I repeated, “Give me your number,” and stared at my phone again. She gave in to social pressure and gave me the number. To make it seem not so obvious that I was only interested in the hot one, I got the e-mail and phone of the other girl as well.
Two hot girls sat at the table next to us. Nomad signaled me to go. Sex last week, they cracked up but then immediately the girl across showed the other girl her phone, and ignored me. I felt that they had blown me out, so I left. Really weird, but I definitely shouldn’t have ejected.
A really good night. We should always try to carpet bomb places, it creates such an awesome time and we lose our outcome dependence. Plus I need to work on my contingencies for sex last week. However, most of the time I get a positive response, I just don’t know what to do with it.