FR: 2008-10-22

I am trying out the biker sexy stereotype tonight. Bought new boots, went around with my leather jacket, got new jeans.

73. At a sports bar. Lots of people watching the game, Martyr and I both had AA and couldn’t open anything. We decided to leave. On my way out, I saw three girls forming a chode crystal. I went to the middle one with sex last week. Apparently she doesn’t speak English!

74. At another bar. As I went in, I noticed a redhead check me out. I approached her with sex last week. She said it wasn’t her, but they didn’t leave. Martyr comes in and tries to wing me, but I was already ejecting at that point. I should have stayed, they didn’t seem creeped out.

75. At yet another bar. Martyr points out two girls he wants to talk to. So I go. Horse girl, not her, I told her to pretend to be her for a minute, just to ease my soul, she accepts my apology and we hug. I told her I learned to read palms recently, and read hers. Martyr wings me, tries to occupy the friend. As I’m describing her life, she suddenly says, “I’m divorced.” I try to recover by making something up about a fork on her palm, but she doesn’t buy it. It fizzles quickly after that, and the girls lock me out. In retrospect, it was a test that I could have passed with, “OMG have I been reading this all wrong?!?!”

76. On my way out of the bar, I spot a waitress that had a shirt saying, “HIGH MAINTENANCE”. I go up to her and compliment her shirt, she loves it. She tells me her name and that she works at the bar on these days. She seemed busy, so I let her go.

77. At a supermarket, Martyr sees a girl with potential. I decide to find out. I go in, compliment her hair. It turns out she was cute! Unfortunately I had already planned to just compliment and leave. Oh well.

78. Saw two girls going into another supermarket, followed them in. Horse girl, not her, but I caught their attention. I continued with some weak, “So you’ve got some late night ice cream craving, huh?” They said yes, I eject. Wuss.

79. I saw two girls sitting at steps. “You look familiar…” “You don’t.” Eject.

80. I was standing at a bar near a table when two girls were trying to get to the table. It looked like she was trying to hide herself with my body, so I asked if she was. We chatted a little, then her friend is just singing to gibberish to herself. Then she starts opening me… in song. I was just dumbstruck as she asked me for my name, then said that apparently I don’t talk, and sang about my leather jacket, my ring. We talk a little bit, but eventually she talks to the guy behind the table as well. I eject because I wasn’t that interested, but more because I was so shocked that I couldn’t respond in any way.

81. Went to another bar, saw two girls sitting at a bench together. Sex last week, no, eject.

82. A drunk girl was pretending to be the bouncer and checking everyone’s IDs. I played along, we chatted a little bit, I went in. The bar was dead, so we left. On our way out the girl was still checking IDs, I busted her. Accused her of causing trouble, somehow we wind up holding hands. She’s squeezing my hand every few seconds. Finish chatting, say good bye, hug and kiss on cheek (really close to each others’ lips). I ask her to take a walk with me, she said her stuff was inside. I said it’s just five minutes, she denied me again. I relent, hug good bye again, but this time kiss on the lips, then hold each other for a few seconds. Then I push her away, “That’s all you get!” I get her number.

83. At a lounge, two girls at a bar and a ton of guys. Martyr doesn’t go, neither do I. I describe how I’m feeling, how I don’t want to go, which means I should. My resolve takes over, I walk right over and horse girl the girls. It’s loud in there, so I put my arms around both girls and lean in so they can hear me. She denies it’s her, but it’s on. She said she loved horses, so I guessed where she’s from. From New York but her family owns horses in Jersey. I accused her of being a Jersey girl, she denies it. I ask what the stigma is against Jersey girls, but get interrupted by the friend, who’s trying to get her to sign something. I loiter for about 30 seconds. I kind of do a false takeaway, then tell her, “You’re cute. But are you smart?” She said, “I am!” I run smart tests on her. She passes, is really happy, and hugs me. I ask what she does, she said she’s in construction. I said I could totally tell she’s a construction woman, she shows me her biceps. I am getting ready for the bodyguard routine when some guy swoops in, starts kissing her and holding her. It was so fast, I assume it’s the boyfriend, though Martyr claims otherwise. I’m staring at the two of them for a good 30 seconds before I turn around and talk to Martyr. Eventually I leave.

Lessons learned:
- “You’re cute, but are you smart?” is a good transition to smart tests.