Who I am

I have changed a lot, in the past couple of weeks, maybe months.

I look back at myself a couple of months, and I think, “Wow, who was I back then?”

I feel like my true self is more shown to the world now. I’ve shown the world that I am not just this… thing. I am not controlled. I am insane.

I used to share this insanity with Irene. We were insane together, in a sense. We would do crazy, stupid stuff together, and it would be alright. However, she suffocated me. She held me back. She kept me in check.

She told me that I was too crazy. She told me that I was shouldn’t act like this in public. She was self-conscious of not just herself, but of me, who I was, because I was a trophy of hers.

Enough of that.

It began with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. I read. I understood. I became.

For about a week after reading every comic that Sharon had, I was loose. Free. Uninhibited. True.

I felt nothing in the world mattered. Life was a joke. Have a few laughs! It was a great week. I felt relieved. Unstressed. I cared not what the world thought.

Then, of course, slowly, I turned back. Slowly became more conservative with my actions, with my speech.

Break-up.

Chillaxin with some of my friends was nice for a change. I was still inhibited, though. It’s odd. I felt loose around them, free to do whatever I wanted… but yet, it wasn’t enough.

The cat got let out, and my clone was freed.

We spent time together, some in all seriousness, others in pure insanity. Gradually, my spirit was released. Gradually, I began to change. Confidence grew in me. Confidence or apathy at the world’s thoughts? I don’t know which. Either way, that’s what happened.

Thank you, Nny, for showing me the way. Thank you, my clone, for walking with me.