Appalled

I was appalled. No other word can describe what I felt at that moment.

I am a strong believer in equality, amongst other things. Equality among races, equality between sexes. I am an adamant supporter for women’s strength and ability, self-confidence, and independence, overall. However, a couple of weeks ago, I had this interesting discussion with one of my female friends and her roommate.

It started out as a discussion about her roommate not wanting to work out, because she doesn’t see the point. She believed that, even if she were stronger and faster, that she wouldn’t be as strong and fast as a guy, so if she were ever attacked, then her work out wouldn’t help her at all. When I argued that she should at least try to give them a bit of a fight before they can overtake her so easily, she basically stood her ground. She saw my lips move, but no words came out.

We then somehow moved our discussion to matters of how a girl depends on the security that a guy brings to a girl, in a relationship. Basically, it came down to the fact that, no matter what, a guy should be responsible for taking care of their girlfriend, even if he weren’t physically there. If anything should ever happen to the girl, say, she was raped, then the boyfriend would be held accountable for sixty percent of the blame. It doesn’t matter if he was just away at work or something, and left the girl at home. (And if he were present at the time of the attack? Forget about it!) They claimed that the relationship would eventually not work out, because there wouldn’t be the trust in the relationship. They would lose faith in their boyfriend, for not being there to protect them. They would lose their precious sense of security.

At the time, I was completely shocked. I was seething with anger. Not at them, but at the way they thought, at the way society has molded us into who we are today. Here I am, advocating that women should be treated as equals, that women are just as capable as men. Yet they themselves feel a need to be protected, deep down inside. They need security. They see themselves always as the victim, and a protector is needed. They don’t want a boyfriend, but a watch dog. They don’t for intelligence, personality, looks, body, large sexual organs, or wealth, although all these are bonuses. In the end, they’re just looking for someone who can make them feel invincible with. Not because they themselves are invincible, but because they are dependent upon someone who is invincible.

What’s the point? How can I help them, if they themselves don’t want to be helped? My friend, I had believed to be quite strong and independent. If even someone like her believes in these things, deep down, then what hope is there for the rest of the women out there?