Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve last written. If you didn’t know me better, judging from my last entry, you might have thought that I had committed suicide. Nothing could be farther from the truth! Life doesn’t let me go that easily!
This last week has been completely horrible. Okay, let’s start from the top:
Monday, I missed work because I was used to my Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday schedule from last summer session. Yeah, I know, it’s a pretty sappy excuse, but it’s true.
Wednesday, I missed work again because I stayed up on Tuesday night, studying for Chemistry, and the alarm didn’t ring. I woke up, I looked at the clock, and it was three already. My alarm was still set to “buzz”, the useless piece of junk. Anyone care to donate an alarm to me?
Thursday, I was driving home with Wendy. I refueled right before I left for Northern Parkway, and ten minutes into driving, my car started slowing down. Mind you, at the time, I was not only accelerating, I was also going downhill. The more I accelerated, the slower the car went. The only thing that kept the car going was if I accelerated lightly instead. Occasionally, we faintly smelled some smoke, but we were hoping that it wasn’t my car that was smoking. Amazingly, I managed to get to exit 29 on the LIE before finally stopping in the middle of the highway. Some good samaritan decided to call the cops for us, and we were saved, after about a half an hour to an hour. Fixing this piece of junk cost $470. This car’s repairs have cost more than a new car would have cost. If anybody wants to purchase a fine Nissan Sentra in perfect condition, please let me know.
Friday, I, of course, missed work, being stranded in the city and all. I needed to get my car from some place in Queens, and they took forever to get it fixed. When I got there, they said that they were fixing it already, but they had ordered the wrong part, so they’re waiting for the new part to arrive. So I waited around, and eventually, they got the new part. But then, they installed it, and it started smoking up. So, they needed another new part, which needed to be delivered. Eventually, they finally got it fixed, at 2:45 or so. I started heading back to Stony Brook, and got stuck in traffic on the way back. Fighting sleep, I slowly crawled through traffic back to my place, at 4 or 5, where I promptly passed out on my bed.
The one redeeming factor is that I did fairly decent on my Chemistry quiz on Wednesday, thanks to Jason’s chemistry tutoring. Yeah, make fun of me all you want, but he helps me pass chemistry, so screw you all!
These couple of events have happened to me in the last couple of days:
A friend comes to visit me, but winds up seeing more of her other friend than me. I seriously doubt that I was the person she was visiting. Her actions didn’t even suggest that she tried to spend any time with me. In fact, she was supposed to spend Independence Day with me, but winds up taking my car to spend with her friend instead.
Another friend goes out to lunch with me, and I suddenly had the urge to go to the mall. She claims that she needed to get something from her room first, so I drive her to her room, and wait for her in my car. And wait. And wait. After an hour, I thought, “What the hell is taking her so long?” So I walked up to her room. I find her roommate, who was kind enough to tell me that she just left ten minutes ago with a guy.
Another friend was working, and I decided to pay her a visit, after being ditched by the first two. I spent some time just chilling, but before she finished work, she announces that she had made plans to go out with her housemates, basically telling me that she’s going to go with them and leave me.
Yet another friend I ran into today said that she would come by to pick up her Chemistry book. I also had a “surprise” for her, so she was supposed to come pick that up, as well. I went up to her room afterwards, and she left post-its up for me, saying that she would call me. It’s now almost 4 am. No call, no visit.
I then called my third friend, and asked her to come out, because she was the only one in Stony Brook that I could find that I wanted to be with at the moment, but she claimed she was busy, stating no reasons.
Not that I’m blaming any of you for any of your actions, because I’m sure that you had your own, very personal, very valid reasons, but tonight, I hate you all.
p.s. The worst part was, all of these people were my closest friends. Ironically, the two friends that were far, far away were the most easily accessible — by phone. Thank you, Linda and Eric, for making me not feel so abandoned. And thank you, Christina, for making me laugh, even though all you did was talk about pooping.
Note: This was written at around 1 pm, but I couldn’t access my computer for some reason. Don’t know if I should blame my ISP or my computer.
I was entering a restaurant.
I saw Eric at a table across from mine. Right next to me was a girl I lusted after, and some friend of Eric’s. Let’s call them Tiffany and Mike, nice generic names.
I went to one bathroom, and it was occupied. I went to the other one, lifted up the seat cover, and it turned out that it was out of order. For some odd reason, the toilet didn’t have a hole; it was just a seat with a toilet seat on top of it.
I go out, and everybody looks at me. They’re all laughing at me, every single one of them.
I walk to my seat, take a dish that had some fish on it, and slapped it into Tiffany’s face. I then proceed to slap it onto Mike’s face. It seems that he didn’t get enough of it, so I slap it one more time. By then, all the juices and stuff that went with the fish was gone, so I took the fish back to the cashier to add some sauce or something on it. At that time, my parents enter the restaurant, and they wait for me to “refill” the fish. When I was done, the two tables that my friends were sitting at were emptied, and we proceeded to eat our dinner.
Odd thing is, I only felt I should be feeling bad after I woke up.
We were together for so long, it seems forever. I’ve become so used to you, yet sought alternatives. I wanted to see what others were like, what fascination others could bring.
I got my wish. We are separate. You longed for me for the longest time, but I refused. I seeked adventure, independence. Solitude.
Now, we are separate. Only, you no longer long for me. Your tone of voice, the one you used talking to me, when we first flirted, is now used on another. Our discussions lead nowhere, yet with another, you manage to talk. Giggle. Make plans.
I got my wish. We are separate. I am no longer bothered by you, pestered by your insistence of us being together.
Why am I jealous, then?
Why does my heart ache when you stop talking to me in that cute, loving, flitatious way? Why do I feel pain when you start talking to another in that way?
What am I to do? I cannot ask you to stop, you are not mine to command, not that you ever were. I cannot ask you to com
I got my wish. We are separate. You longed for me for the longest time, but I refused. I seeked adeeded. Maybe all I wanted was you constantly needing me.
Maybe you’re not the one who needs me. Maybe I’m the one who needs you.